Cara Lumen | Sing a Deeper Song

Sing a Deeper Song

Self Awareness

Are You Hiding Out In Your Comfort Zone?

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We all refuse to push our boundaries to a certain extent, but there is a danger of getting too comfortable.  Without a challenge, you will not grow. Without exploration, you will not learn.  Without changing, you remain the same.

How will you push your boundaries today?

Every time I go somewhere I’ve never been before, there is tension.  Whenever I face a new situation there is apprehension.  In order to learn something technical, I have to push myself through it.  If you don’t feel that tension, if you don’t experience apprehension, if you don’t push a little, you’re going to stay stuck in the same ol’, same ol’.

Are you languishing in your comfort zone?

There’s a lot to be said for being comfortable.  It’s familiar.  It’s not stressful.  There is comfort in the familiar.  However, if we spend our lives within the confines of our comfort zone we’re missing out on adventure and opportunity.

What are your parameters?

If you’re in a box, it’s a good idea to see what size box you are in.  Are you in a job that asks enough of you?  Do you hang out with people who encourage you to express yourself?  Is your body as healthy as you want it to be?  How are you deepening your spiritual awareness?   Wherever you have set your boundaries, I bet you could push them out a little farther today.

How do you push your boundaries?

On the physical level, it’s easy enough to walk a little further, try a new healthier food, extend your Qi Gong practice or even take a stretch break every hour.  However, that’s not pushing your boundaries, that is barely nudging the outer edges of your comfort zone.  What can you do for your physical well being that will stretch you today?

On a mental level, look at what have you been putting off because you have to learn something new.  Sometimes it’s as simple as learning to work your wireless phone better, exploring a new computer program, or taking a video for your family.  Other times it’s about exploring an entirely new direction for your life.  What do you need to learn today?

Push your emotional boundaries too.  Fear, apprehension, uncertainty are all deterrents to moving forward.  How can you connect more deeply with another person?  Is there someone you need to forgive?  Someone you need to ask for forgiveness?  How can you allow yourself to be more self-confident?  How can you love yourself more?

Expanding the boundaries of your spiritual expression is a simple matter of going within.  That means setting aside time each day to meditate and journal.  It means reading something inspirational. Most of all, expanding your spiritual expression requires that you are aware – of what you are and are not doing.

Where are you stuck?

You’re probably a little stuck on all of those levels but I’ll bet there is one area you’d like to start with.

I’m expanding my physical level by turning from vegetarian to vegan.  It turns out that one new choice for my physical plane is also pushing the boundaries of my mental plane.  I’m learning to do plant-based baking.  I’m trying new grains.  I’m learning to create my own versions of recipes.  The act of pushing one boundary gave me challenges in other areas.

I’m changing the direction in my work boundaries.  I have uncovered new ways to serve and new products to offer.  I’m working with many of my established skills, but I’m pointing them in a slightly different direction.  That has challenged me on the emotion plane (letting go of the old) the mental plane (figuring out what I do want to do/offer) and the spiritual plane (listening to the wisdom within in order to make the decision to change.)

As for expanding my circle of friends, I have become more aware of how I seem to other people and I am making some changes in how I approach them.  I stay more centered and more aware and I listen more attentively.  Those shifts in my comfort zone are changing my interaction with others.  In turn, that affects my emotional state (as I feel the connections deepen), my physical state (as I laugh and enjoy our camaraderie, and my spiritual state (as I learn to be more aware more often.)

I look over past patterns to see the choices I continue to make that are so far inside my comfort zone that there is no possibility of growth.  Where have I gone complacent?  What am I settling for?  How have I grown/changed and what do I need/want now? I want and need to find people who are adventuring in the areas I want to explore.  Who would that be?  What would that look like?  I’m reading about minimalism.  I am far from that but I could let go of some possessions. I’m looking at how goals restrict me.  I’m trying to see how to stay relevant in retirement.  Poke around in your life and see where you could push the edges of your comfort zone.

Let go and move on

In order to move forward, you have to make room by letting something go.  Easing yourself out of the familiar is sometimes the hardest part of the journey.  What do you need to leave behind?  What do you no longer need?  It could be possessions.  It could be friends.  It could be work.  It could be beliefs.  What do you need to let go in order to make room for something new?

Pick an area and start expanding

The area I am working on is how to stay relevant as I age.  I no longer have to work.  I’m faced with days that I can do with as I will.  I don’t like the feeling of complacency I am experiencing.   I’ve changed the focus of my writing.  I’m doing a lot of inner work and self-discovery that I hope will allow me to offer insights to others.  My personal rhythm is different.  I now have time to think and write and explore.

“Pushing boundaries” is the wrong way to look at it.  I like “expand” your boundaries better.  I see myself as a molecule in which one portion moves out to one side in order to absorb a new particle.  It’s like putting your arm around a new idea and drawing it in for a big hug.  When I add something new to my life, I change my experience.  I change my responses.  I change my own resources.

What and who do you want to bring into your life?  What experience do you want to have?  Go put your arm around a new experience today and watch yourself expand.

The Road Taken, the Choices Made

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“Everything we do in life forms a road” says Deng Ming-Dao in Everyday Tao.  We determine our personal path by the choices we make. Our paths may cross, we may even walk a ways together, but we are not walking in each other’s footsteps and at some point, we go our separate ways. “You can only progress by building on the distance you have come.”

You can’t go back

You can’t start over.  It is useless to have regrets about what did or didn’t happen.  What’s done, is done. You cannot take a different fork in the road, your past cannot be changed.  What you have is the present and the lessons you learned by the choices you made. That is where you begin.  “Now” is the foundation upon which you build this next part of your journey.

You did your best in that moment

Whatever choices you made were determined in the moment by what you knew, what you believed, who you were and what you needed.  For better or worse, you made a choice.  If you gave thought to your choice and it seemed right at the time, you did what you should have done.  Don’t look back.  If you followed your intuition, or acted on impulse, that was the right choice at the time. Don’t wish you could change it. The choices you made are what makes you who you are in this moment.  Mistakes were your lessons.  Accomplishments built your self-esteem.  All the choices you have made in your lifetime have gone into making the present You.

You constantly choose your destiny

“Just by choosing where you stand, you alter your destiny,” explains Deng Ming-Dao in 365 Tao Daily Meditations.  “Those who follow Tao define destiny as the course or pattern of your life as it spontaneously takes shape.” Spontaneously takes shape – in the moment – not something predestined, not some goal we set out to achieve.  Our destiny is shaped by the choices we make in each moment, whether it is a spontaneous response or a choice built on past experience and foundational values.  Your past choices were influenced by your personality, how you related to your parents and siblings, where you went to school, what job you took, what relationships you had, who your friends are, how you spend your days. Every choice affects your destiny.  Destiny is not a place further ahead, destiny is in this very moment of choice.

Your choices built your foundation

If you let go of everything in this moment, what would you have left?  You would have your values, your experience, and your beliefs. You would have the skills and knowledge you have accumulated.  You would have the strength and awareness you have gradually achieved over your lifetime.  You stand on an individulized foundation upon which to build this next portion of your personal journey. Go forward from here and now.

The only reason to look back is to clarify your lessons

I recently ran across a Gratitude Book I once kept.  In it, I had written the positive things people said about me.  I was amazed and bolstered when it’s content reminded  me how positively some people saw me.  I had forgotten how I was perceived.  I had even forgotten some of the valuable ways I had contributed. It increased my self-confidence and even reminded me of ways I used to serve. But that was then.  This is now. Don’t dwell on the past, simply take its lessons and its praise and move on from here.

Make conscious choices

When I desire to gain personal clarity, I sit down and actively take stock of what I have going for me and what I’d like to change. I take a “Tao Tally” in which I answer three questions: What has shifted for me this week? What insights have I gained? What will I focus on the coming week? That focus is usually a quality like unfolding, mindfulness, compassion, serenity, something intangible but with the capacity to guide the choices I make.

Allow your life to spontaneously unfold

Your life is not predestined; it is determined by each choice you make. That means you can change direction in any moment simply by the choice you make in your words and actions.

Believe the Road Beneath You

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You are where you are because you thought the thoughts you thought, took the actions you took, and expected the outcome that you did. Are you happy where you are?  Are there changes you want to make?  Look closely at your present surroundings.  They tell you what you believe you deserve and what you believe is possible.

Where have you landed?

The past is over and done, it cannot be changed.  However, when you subjectively examine the past, it can help you understand the present.  What you did in the past has created what you are experiencing today.  The past, therefore, holds clues about what to do and what not to do to create more of the same.  This holds true for both the good stuff and the less-than-good stuff.

What is now present in your life that you love?  What did you do to attract that to you?  What is currently present in your life that you wish would go away?  What could you stop doing that would allow it to leave?  You are where you are at this moment because of your choices.  And your choices will take you where you want to go next.

It’s not about the future – yet

Your choice in this moment is to look for what you like about your life so you can attract more of it to you.  I like my apartment. I love my cats.  I have good friends. I enjoy the tree outside my window and the birdfeeders I’ve set up that attract an eclectic following.  I love the clouds with their constantly shifting beauty and the ever-changing sunsets.  When I focus on those elements of my world, I feel content and grateful for their existence.  What you focus on you attract.  What are you focusing on?

What would you like to change about your current life? I’d like to be stronger and slimmer.  I’d like to be more comfortable in social situations.  I’d like to be more patient with people.  When I keep those goals in mind, each day bring me the opportunity to make the changes in my thinking and my attitude that will bring about the changes I desire.  I learn to let go of wants and wishes and desires and take pleasure from what I have.

Each day, examine the road beneath you

Each day is a fresh opportunity.  Each day holds the potential for positive change.  Each day holds the prospect of changing the road beneath you.

As part of my daily inner work, I give gratitude for the gifts I have been given and the lessons I have learned.  I notice how the road I am on is changing.  The day I figured out how to avoid conflict simply by understanding what was truly important to me changed  my direction for all the days to come. The few days I spent writing articles about the difference between allowing things to unfold and simply being lazy, helped me make peace with the unfolding process and brought new awareness I can teach others.  It changed my direction.

Believe the road beneath you

You are meant to be exactly where you are.  You asked for it with your attitudes and beliefs and actions. However, you have a choice to shift the attitudes, beliefs and actions that got you there.  It’s as easy as making a slight shift of a steering wheel, a small correction in your course.  That shift can happen in an instant.

Look at the road beneath you.  Your thoughts and beliefs got you here.  Do you like where you are right now and if not, what are you going to do about it?

Is Loneliness a Natural Part of Creativity?

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Lady Gaga said her life was lonely. Danielle Steel said she started writing because she was lonely. And Dana Deaney said she never married or had children because she felt she could not do that and ply her craft. I wondered if loneliness is a natural part of creativity.

Are creatives different?

If you are passionate about an idea you are focused on being it and doing it and sharing it to the exclusion of a lot of other things.  For instance, my choices, my interests and the way I spend my time are all influenced by my massive need to learn and teach. It takes the form of writing and coaching. If you are heavily in touch with your creative side for most of your life you may have felt that you are noticeably different or outside the main stream. And the truth is, if you are going to respond to your creativity and inner passion you have to spend time alone. You have to listen to your inner wisdom and you have to be true to yourself. As you stand firm in your individuality some people will be drawn to you and others will not. There is definitely alone-ness in following the beat of your own drummer.

What happens when you answer the creative muse?

When the idea for this article hit me I was watching The View where all three guests indicated there was loneliness in their lives. Danielle Steel writes all the time and has four or five books going at once. She has been married five times, has raised nine children and has still managed to write nearly 120 books. Lady Gaga writes her own music and designs her incredibly imaginative costumes and sets and of course performs on tour and records.  There is no question that creativity requires devotion and commitment.

I definitely identified with their loneliness so I leaped over to my computer to see what I could discover about the relationship between creativity and loneliness. And that very drop-everything-and-go-write choice is a perfect example of answering the muse to the exclusion of all else. I was excited about the idea, I needed to explore and see what I could discover about the topic of loneliness and I needed to write it right now. So I did. I am sometimes even pulled out of my daily meditation by a thought that calls me to action right that minute. I have been casually reading articles that posed a question I wanted to answer for myself and immediately began to explore it by writing down my thoughts and responses. When the urge to create comes upon you nothing else matters. You answer the muse.

Creatives keep open to inspiration

As a creative you are open to new ideas. You are not looking for anything in particular you are just tuning into that powerful internal response that says “I need to explore that idea.” When I read I write down phrases that inspire me. Sometimes an idea presents itself that one of my coaching clients can use so I sit down and develop it in a form to share with them. Today when a bird was having breakfast at the bird feeder outside my window I wondered about how its day was going and how could I write a bird story as a teaching example.  Or how could I look at the freedom of a bird’s life and apply that to my own? Creatives see opportunities everywhere, all the time.

You gotta love the excitement of your thought process

Creative people are passionate. They love to explore and examine and contemplate. And they have a very strong desire to share what they know and learn with others. My highest moments are when I’m creating a new teaching product, writing down something I know that I want to share with others. That discovery process, those decisions I must make, the results I know I can accomplish and the product I uncover are a natural high that I cherish. In fact, as I’ve watched my mind work to uncover a new idea and turn it into a valuable information product I’ve created my own content development system around the process that I can teach others. Our minds are amazing and using it to discover, uncover and create is totally satisfying.

And then there is the great joy of creating something from nothing!

I took a painting class. It had been a long time since I’d tried to paint and I was never very good at it but I craved creativity. The class began with a blank canvas and when I finished there was a pastoral scene that had not existed before! Not a great one, but from nothing had come something. It was totally satisfying. My mind, my imagination had visualized a scene and turned it into a tangible picture that allowed me to share my vision. That’s what creativity is all about – pulling your ideas from within and putting them in a form to share with others.

Rejoice in the amazing things you learn

If you want to learn more about something write about it. Whether it is an article like this that explores an idea that interests me or the contemplation of a new personal development course I have yet to create, the mere holding of an idea in my consciousness brings answers and resources from every corner. If you want to learn – teach.

You must bring your ideas to others

If you are inspired by something, if you are passionate about a topic, if you have ideas on how to help others get excited too, then you need to bring your ideas to those people. Whether you write or teach or make a video or give a talk, as a creative you need to share your ideas and thoughts.

And you do not have to be alone in your creativity. The internet is the great connector. I can find like-minded people all over the world. I can read what they say or connect with them in person. I can talk to people in England and Egypt and Australia and it makes the world seem smaller and friendlier. I can share my ideas to a much larger audience and have a greater chance of connecting with people who share my interests. The world is our creative connection. But first you have to put your ideas out there so others can find you.

Are we lonely?

We are alone that’s for certain. We are alone when we write our article. We are alone when we plan our telecourse. We are alone when we create time to go within and listen. We constantly make choices that honor and nourish our creativity. I’d much rather spend the morning exploring a new idea than visiting with a neighbor. I’d much rather read something that inspires me and makes me want to go teach that idea to others than work at something confining and repeatable. I cannot be in groups where the conversations are stories of the past. I want to talk about what you are thinking and doing right now to make your world interesting and vital and meaningful. Not everyone can do that. So yes, by the very nature of my creativity I choose to be alone – alone with my thoughts, my ideas and my self-expression. As far as I’m concerned that is simply hanging out with an interesting me. I’m not lonely but I am often alone. Are you lonely in your creativity?

Stress and the Art of Non-Attachment

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We make up stress for ourselves. We do it with our thoughts. It naturally follows that our thoughts can eliminate stress.

There is no stress in the universe. There is a flow, a give and take, harmony, natural laws of attraction. All of these can be put to use to manage our personal flow, particularly when that flow seems to be clogged with worry and fear.

Deadline stress

Where do deadlines come from? We make them up, so we can just as easily unmake them. The major times I experience stress is when I’ve decided something should happen by or at such and such a time and that isn’t the universe’s plan at all. It always ends up that I’m the one that has to change. We impose deadline on ourselves all the time. We make appointments too close together, we agree to do things we should have declined to do. “No” is a great stress relieved.

In business, it is a good plan to under promise and over deliver. That way everyone is pleasantly surprised.

Stress over the behavior of others

We worry about our children, our parents, our friends. We want them to make the “right” choices. But whose “right” are we talking about? A major cause of stress over others is that we want control; we want it to be done our way. And “our way” happens to be the way we would be comfortable doing it.

Each person must walk his or her own path. Each person must make his or her own choice. The lessons learned through our personal experiences guide us in making relevant choices in the future. No one can take our journey for us.  It is our path, our choice, our journey, and our personal destination.

When we embrace a belief that there is only one universal energy and each of us is an expression of that infinite energy, we know that no one is alone. Each of us is a part of a wholeness so great it is unimaginable. We are guarded and guided every step of the way.

What to do to release stress

Detach yourself. Put your situation in perspective. Are you really going to allow yourself to get sick because of certain papers on your desk that need something done to them? Do you choose to ignore your own need for rest or nourishment because you very much want to have a say in what someone else is doing. When someone you love is sick or making what you perceive as dangerous choices, move yourself into trust and faith. Release your loved one to their highest good and know the outcome will be perfect.

Non-attachment does not mean not caring. It means releasing a situation to its natural fulfillment. If I put out an idea at a meeting I can be very attached to its acceptance as the way things should be or I can put it out and let it take the form the group needs for it to take. It may be embraced, it may be tabled, or it may be dropped. I offer the idea because it was an intuitive nudge from my inner wisdom. Period. I have offered my idea and I release it.

Non-attachment does not mean you don’t help. However, first you need to ask if the other person wants your help or advice. Sometimes in our good intentions to assist by telling people what to do or offering to do things for them, we actually are sending the message “You can’t do that, you’re not good enough to do that.” That’s a very disempowering message to send.

How do you change your vibration when you are under stress?

Without going too deeply into the Law of Attraction, we can basically say that like attracts like. When we are vibrating to feelings of worry and angst, we will definitely attract more worry and angst. To move from stress to peace we must change our vibration. There are specific things we can do:

  • Consciously let go of any concern about the result or outcome
  • Align yourself with the idea that we are all in integral part of a universal whole
  • Trust that things are as they should be and there is a law of natural balance in action
  • Practice non-attachment
  • Stay in the “now,”
  • Don’t worry about “what if.”
  • Under promise and over deliver
  • Say “no.” Choose only activities that nourish and satisfy you.
  • Let go of the need to control – a situation, another’s actions or an outcome.
  • Ask someone to help you keep trusting in a positive outcome for all involved. (Friend, spiritual counselor).
  • Allow circumstances to unfold at their own pace. You cannot force a flower to bloom.
  • Exchange fear for trust. Fear contributes to your negative thought.
  • Trust your fundamental beliefs to hold you. Remember that you are a contributing member in a Universe of Love. You are innately whole and serene.
  • Move from your head to your heart by consciously breathing in wholeness to fill your body.
  • Know that everyone is made of the same infinite energy
  • Understand that even when souls choose to leave the planet “early” they have chosen their gift of departure in advance.  Look for the gift they have given in the lessons their departure gives to those they leave.
  • You are only responsible for your own thoughts and actions. (That should keep you busy enough!)
  • Lower and eliminate stress by changing your thoughts and awareness.
  • Look at the situation from another viewpoint.
  • If you like the results and experiences you are having, keep doing what you have been doing.

If you find areas you desire to change, simply change your vibration by changing your thought.

 Direct your own steps

Each day I choose a quality I want to noticeably experience at the beginning of each day: unfolding, mindfulness, natural flow, clarity, peace, serenity, discovery, insights, completion, awareness. When I journal the following day I note what has manifested.

You make your own stress. You can unmake your own stress. Watch your mind and monitor it. Thank it for its worrisome, negative, you-can’t-do-it thoughts and in their place put your alignment with the natural flow of the universe, trusting and knowing that when you listen to your inner wisdom each choice will lead you in the perfect direction.

Practice non-attachment. Allow things to happen at their own pace. Watch the natural unfolding of miracle after miracle around you.