Cara Lumen | Sing a Deeper Song

Sing a Deeper Song

Self Awareness

Is Loneliness a Natural Part of Creativity?

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Lady Gaga said her life was lonely. Danielle Steel said she started writing because she was lonely. And Dana Deaney said she never married or had children because she felt she could not do that and ply her craft. I wondered if loneliness is a natural part of creativity.

Are creatives different?

If you are passionate about an idea you are focused on being it and doing it and sharing it to the exclusion of a lot of other things.  For instance, my choices, my interests and the way I spend my time are all influenced by my massive need to learn and teach. It takes the form of writing and coaching. If you are heavily in touch with your creative side for most of your life you may have felt that you are noticeably different or outside the main stream. And the truth is, if you are going to respond to your creativity and inner passion you have to spend time alone. You have to listen to your inner wisdom and you have to be true to yourself. As you stand firm in your individuality some people will be drawn to you and others will not. There is definitely alone-ness in following the beat of your own drummer.

What happens when you answer the creative muse?

When the idea for this article hit me I was watching The View where all three guests indicated there was loneliness in their lives. Danielle Steel writes all the time and has four or five books going at once. She has been married five times, has raised nine children and has still managed to write nearly 120 books. Lady Gaga writes her own music and designs her incredibly imaginative costumes and sets and of course performs on tour and records.  There is no question that creativity requires devotion and commitment.

I definitely identified with their loneliness so I leaped over to my computer to see what I could discover about the relationship between creativity and loneliness. And that very drop-everything-and-go-write choice is a perfect example of answering the muse to the exclusion of all else. I was excited about the idea, I needed to explore and see what I could discover about the topic of loneliness and I needed to write it right now. So I did. I am sometimes even pulled out of my daily meditation by a thought that calls me to action right that minute. I have been casually reading articles that posed a question I wanted to answer for myself and immediately began to explore it by writing down my thoughts and responses. When the urge to create comes upon you nothing else matters. You answer the muse.

Creatives keep open to inspiration

As a creative you are open to new ideas. You are not looking for anything in particular you are just tuning into that powerful internal response that says “I need to explore that idea.” When I read I write down phrases that inspire me. Sometimes an idea presents itself that one of my coaching clients can use so I sit down and develop it in a form to share with them. Today when a bird was having breakfast at the bird feeder outside my window I wondered about how its day was going and how could I write a bird story as a teaching example.  Or how could I look at the freedom of a bird’s life and apply that to my own? Creatives see opportunities everywhere, all the time.

You gotta love the excitement of your thought process

Creative people are passionate. They love to explore and examine and contemplate. And they have a very strong desire to share what they know and learn with others. My highest moments are when I’m creating a new teaching product, writing down something I know that I want to share with others. That discovery process, those decisions I must make, the results I know I can accomplish and the product I uncover are a natural high that I cherish. In fact, as I’ve watched my mind work to uncover a new idea and turn it into a valuable information product I’ve created my own content development system around the process that I can teach others. Our minds are amazing and using it to discover, uncover and create is totally satisfying.

And then there is the great joy of creating something from nothing!

I took a painting class. It had been a long time since I’d tried to paint and I was never very good at it but I craved creativity. The class began with a blank canvas and when I finished there was a pastoral scene that had not existed before! Not a great one, but from nothing had come something. It was totally satisfying. My mind, my imagination had visualized a scene and turned it into a tangible picture that allowed me to share my vision. That’s what creativity is all about – pulling your ideas from within and putting them in a form to share with others.

Rejoice in the amazing things you learn

If you want to learn more about something write about it. Whether it is an article like this that explores an idea that interests me or the contemplation of a new personal development course I have yet to create, the mere holding of an idea in my consciousness brings answers and resources from every corner. If you want to learn – teach.

You must bring your ideas to others

If you are inspired by something, if you are passionate about a topic, if you have ideas on how to help others get excited too, then you need to bring your ideas to those people. Whether you write or teach or make a video or give a talk, as a creative you need to share your ideas and thoughts.

And you do not have to be alone in your creativity. The internet is the great connector. I can find like-minded people all over the world. I can read what they say or connect with them in person. I can talk to people in England and Egypt and Australia and it makes the world seem smaller and friendlier. I can share my ideas to a much larger audience and have a greater chance of connecting with people who share my interests. The world is our creative connection. But first you have to put your ideas out there so others can find you.

Are we lonely?

We are alone that’s for certain. We are alone when we write our article. We are alone when we plan our telecourse. We are alone when we create time to go within and listen. We constantly make choices that honor and nourish our creativity. I’d much rather spend the morning exploring a new idea than visiting with a neighbor. I’d much rather read something that inspires me and makes me want to go teach that idea to others than work at something confining and repeatable. I cannot be in groups where the conversations are stories of the past. I want to talk about what you are thinking and doing right now to make your world interesting and vital and meaningful. Not everyone can do that. So yes, by the very nature of my creativity I choose to be alone – alone with my thoughts, my ideas and my self-expression. As far as I’m concerned that is simply hanging out with an interesting me. I’m not lonely but I am often alone. Are you lonely in your creativity?

Stress and the Art of Non-Attachment

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We make up stress for ourselves. We do it with our thoughts. It naturally follows that our thoughts can eliminate stress.

There is no stress in the universe. There is a flow, a give and take, harmony, natural laws of attraction. All of these can be put to use to manage our personal flow, particularly when that flow seems to be clogged with worry and fear.

Deadline stress

Where do deadlines come from? We make them up, so we can just as easily unmake them. The major times I experience stress is when I’ve decided something should happen by or at such and such a time and that isn’t the universe’s plan at all. It always ends up that I’m the one that has to change. We impose deadline on ourselves all the time. We make appointments too close together, we agree to do things we should have declined to do. “No” is a great stress relieved.

In business, it is a good plan to under promise and over deliver. That way everyone is pleasantly surprised.

Stress over the behavior of others

We worry about our children, our parents, our friends. We want them to make the “right” choices. But whose “right” are we talking about? A major cause of stress over others is that we want control; we want it to be done our way. And “our way” happens to be the way we would be comfortable doing it.

Each person must walk his or her own path. Each person must make his or her own choice. The lessons learned through our personal experiences guide us in making relevant choices in the future. No one can take our journey for us.  It is our path, our choice, our journey, and our personal destination.

When we embrace a belief that there is only one universal energy and each of us is an expression of that infinite energy, we know that no one is alone. Each of us is a part of a wholeness so great it is unimaginable. We are guarded and guided every step of the way.

What to do to release stress

Detach yourself. Put your situation in perspective. Are you really going to allow yourself to get sick because of certain papers on your desk that need something done to them? Do you choose to ignore your own need for rest or nourishment because you very much want to have a say in what someone else is doing. When someone you love is sick or making what you perceive as dangerous choices, move yourself into trust and faith. Release your loved one to their highest good and know the outcome will be perfect.

Non-attachment does not mean not caring. It means releasing a situation to its natural fulfillment. If I put out an idea at a meeting I can be very attached to its acceptance as the way things should be or I can put it out and let it take the form the group needs for it to take. It may be embraced, it may be tabled, or it may be dropped. I offer the idea because it was an intuitive nudge from my inner wisdom. Period. I have offered my idea and I release it.

Non-attachment does not mean you don’t help. However, first you need to ask if the other person wants your help or advice. Sometimes in our good intentions to assist by telling people what to do or offering to do things for them, we actually are sending the message “You can’t do that, you’re not good enough to do that.” That’s a very disempowering message to send.

How do you change your vibration when you are under stress?

Without going too deeply into the Law of Attraction, we can basically say that like attracts like. When we are vibrating to feelings of worry and angst, we will definitely attract more worry and angst. To move from stress to peace we must change our vibration. There are specific things we can do:

  • Consciously let go of any concern about the result or outcome
  • Align yourself with the idea that we are all in integral part of a universal whole
  • Trust that things are as they should be and there is a law of natural balance in action
  • Practice non-attachment
  • Stay in the “now,”
  • Don’t worry about “what if.”
  • Under promise and over deliver
  • Say “no.” Choose only activities that nourish and satisfy you.
  • Let go of the need to control – a situation, another’s actions or an outcome.
  • Ask someone to help you keep trusting in a positive outcome for all involved. (Friend, spiritual counselor).
  • Allow circumstances to unfold at their own pace. You cannot force a flower to bloom.
  • Exchange fear for trust. Fear contributes to your negative thought.
  • Trust your fundamental beliefs to hold you. Remember that you are a contributing member in a Universe of Love. You are innately whole and serene.
  • Move from your head to your heart by consciously breathing in wholeness to fill your body.
  • Know that everyone is made of the same infinite energy
  • Understand that even when souls choose to leave the planet “early” they have chosen their gift of departure in advance.  Look for the gift they have given in the lessons their departure gives to those they leave.
  • You are only responsible for your own thoughts and actions. (That should keep you busy enough!)
  • Lower and eliminate stress by changing your thoughts and awareness.
  • Look at the situation from another viewpoint.
  • If you like the results and experiences you are having, keep doing what you have been doing.

If you find areas you desire to change, simply change your vibration by changing your thought.

 Direct your own steps

Each day I choose a quality I want to noticeably experience at the beginning of each day: unfolding, mindfulness, natural flow, clarity, peace, serenity, discovery, insights, completion, awareness. When I journal the following day I note what has manifested.

You make your own stress. You can unmake your own stress. Watch your mind and monitor it. Thank it for its worrisome, negative, you-can’t-do-it thoughts and in their place put your alignment with the natural flow of the universe, trusting and knowing that when you listen to your inner wisdom each choice will lead you in the perfect direction.

Practice non-attachment. Allow things to happen at their own pace. Watch the natural unfolding of miracle after miracle around you.

The Next “Now”

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“Now” is where we are.  “Now” is this incredible moment.  What are you dragging into this “now” that you could do without?  When we step into the next “now” we can bring forth or leave behind whatever we choose. That choice will change our experience of “now.” I have an opportunity to change in this next instant.  I can drop my feelings of fear; I can embrace my feeling of hopefulness.  I can love more, create more, and understand more.  In this very instant, I can change.

Change your thoughts, change your experience

I know that I can change my experience of life by changing my thoughts but I only recently began to think about what I leave behind that could could make my “now” more positive. I could certainly drop things like anger, or low levels of self-esteem, but where am I now, in this instant and what do I want to change?  What do I need to leave behind?

What is the primary focus of your life right now?

Look for the over-arching focus of your life.  Is it work?  Relationships?  Spiritual growth?  My over-arching focus at this moment is discovering how to stay relevant in this retirement chapter of my life.  We each have a strong desire to feel needed and wanted. We want to know that what we do has meaning.  We want to feel relevant. My current challenge finds me living in a senior center, being 80 and watching people around me in varying degrees of health. I am in a fighting mood to preserve my health, stay strong to the very end, learn to figure out what the “end” is to me and figure out how I can continue to feel like I am a contributing member of my community.  What do I do?  What do I think?  What can I change?

What is holding me back that I can leave behind?

Leave behind your past. It certainly does no good to figure out how I would change the past. Dwelling upon it, beating myself up for it, or even being angry at any element or person in my past are things I should, could and must leave behind. I only have this moment.  What do I do with that?

What can I change about myself?

For someone who has been a happily introverted loner all of my life I am suddenly learning to be comfortable in social situations. That means I have to change. I have to find steps I can take to feel more comfortable with new people.  I have focused on the word “unfold” and am allowing that concept to influence a great portion of my life.  What attitude, belief, or expectation do you need to change in order to experience a different “now”?

What has changed about my circumstances?

I have retired. Retirement is a huge change.  I am a liberal metaphysician who moved to the conservative Midwest to be closer to physical family support.  As I focused on the cross-country move, a couple of knee replacements and a second move to a Senior Center, my business gradually went away.  I sit here as an “empty” person ready to move forward.  It is like starting over, not from scratch, but from this place in time.

What do I want in my next “now”?

When you stop defining yourself as your job, you are at a loss for words.  When you start defining yourself by your passion, you take off.  My passion is about learning and sharing what I discover with others. The focus of my passion right now is about learning to live a relevant life for the next 20 years or so.  My life seems to have been divided into 20 years chunks.  1-20 I grew up, 20-40 married, had children, 40-60 learned everything holistic I could while living in New York City. 60-80, moved to Northern California and became a spiritual counselor and a coach.  I now have the opportunity to make 80-100 fabulous.

Leave behind the perceived limitations

I have basically ignored the passing years.  My belief is that we only age because we believe we will. I have to keep my vision strong. In this particular living environment, I am alone in my beliefs.  I have to be consistent in the inner work that allows me to focus on being healthy, flexible, and an active contributor to my world.

I used to measure some of my success by the money I earned.  That is no longer part of the self-worth equation for me.  Now I measure my success in how deeply I can move within and bring what I discover into my daily actions. Every day I make choices to leave a soft footprint on the planet.  I minimalize and I economize. I take good care of my physical body and I focus on deepening my spiritual awareness. I drop perceived limitations and live with awareness and serenity in every moment.

Let what shows up guide you to what’s next

Each day I watch for the signs and signals that will guide me. I move through my day with awareness and savor as many moments as I can.  I interpret a blockage as a signal to change directions, to see if I’m on the right path and to discover where I should go next. The signs can be a random thought, a chance encounter, or a something I read. They can be something someone says or doesn’t say. The signs can be something I do or choose not to do.   Be aware of the ebb and flow of your day.  Watch the tides of time bring treasure to your shore.

Your vision will point to your action

My vision of staying healthy drives me.  I moved from Vegetarian to Vegan, I own the healthy foods I need, and I know what to fix for myself.  I’m learning more Qigong, practicing yoga, and extending my meditation practice.  My vision of health influences my choices.

My vision of honing my understanding of what comes after life has led me to the study of Taoism. I am the Tao Te Ching, and the words of Deng Ming-Dao, Rumi and Emerson. My daily study and introspection is a priority. My vision of understanding my inner world guides my exploration.

My vision of staying relevant is expressed in my writing.  I write poems and articles for my own awareness.  Some I share. The form this will take is part of my vision that continues to unfold.

Harness the power of the next “Now.”

I like this idea of moving into the next moment free of unwanted baggage. I can let go of a judgment. I can let go of a need.  I can release a want and simply be.

What do you want to leave behind as you move into the Next “Now.”

The Shedding Of Your Skin

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In order to grow, a snake must shed its skin. In order to expand, a birch tree splits its bark. What do you need to shed in order to grow?

The birch tree outside my window looks like an unkempt pony shedding its winter coat, filled with clumps and bare spots. What does it look like for me to make room to change and grow? What do I have to do? What do I have to release? How do I let go of my confining skin?

Identify the skin you need to shed

I recently shed the skin of primarily defining myself as a job I no longer choose to perform. I hung on tightly to that identity for a long time. I was comfortable in that skin. It was who I thought I was. However, I’m no longer a worker. I’m “retired” – whatever that means to me. And I am looking for a new definition of who I think I am. What skin are you ready to shed?

When the skin is shed, what is underneath?

Part of the process of shedding your skin is to begin to identify and accept what is underneath. As you begin to shed your “present” skin, you will find yourself resisting change. You will be unwilling to move out of your old, comfortable skin. You will be fearful of trying on your new shape. However, there is really nothing you can do to change the process. We all change. We all grow. We all let go and move on. It simply takes time and it is a process. Look at what is emerging and find the good in it. As I began to shed my skin of a profession, I found myself with more free time. I became more introspective. I now take time to think and read. I take time to allow a gradual unfolding of my life. The shiny new me that is emerging is mindful. She is attuned to nature. She is contemplative and serene. She is writing poems and articles like this. She is thinking before she speaks and acting with greater compassion. I like what I am uncovering that is under the skin I shed.

Let go of what no longer works

Letting go takes time. I let go of some belongings when I moved cross-country. I let go of more possessions when I moved from a two bedroom to a one bedroom space. Now I want to let go of things in order to simplify my life. I don’t need so much stuff. It has been difficult to let go of the physical things I have gathered over the years. But I know that even when I let them go, I will always have the memories. Letting go makes what remains more evident. Each season, as I change my wardrobe, I allow myself to let go of what cages me in. What do I no longer need? What used to be important that has lessened or been replaced? What can I let go of that is no longer relevant to my life today? Letting go, is an important part of shedding your skin.

Let go of who you think you are

It is even more difficult to let go of who I think I am, how I have defined myself throughout the years. Self-defining words like “writer,” “coach,” and “educator” have been my identifiers for a long time. At this moment in time “writer” is all that remains and that is enough, although I’m certain “educator” is tucked in somewhere with writer. Bring your idea of who you are into a simple statement. Mine is “I encourage awareness.”

Bring your passion into the present

What is your passion? What stirs you to action? That is the essence that you want to bring into the present. Writing is a core passion with me. Writing and learning nourish me. If I keep on learning and writing life will feel meaningful. What core qualities will you take with you into the next stage? What is the essence of what you love to do? The form will change. The time you spend on it may change. Let your passion drive you.

Something has to go

The lighter the pack on your back, the easier will be your journey. If you hang on to everything, you will soon have no room to move. Start with the physical plane. When I finally released my business books to the half price store, I felt lighter and freer. It was a major letting go for me, but those books no longer represented who I am becoming. I found a way to make an inner work business plan rather than an outer work business plan. That was a huge step.The primary reason for shedding your skin is to allow yourself to expand. It is a relief to let go of what no longer represents who you are becoming. Look around your home. Look at your current friends. Look at how you now spend your life. What are you willing to let go? What do you need to let go in order to grow?

Choose what you need to expand

As I shed my skin, I began to examine my personal philosophy. It is key to identifying my new direction. It may even be my new direction. I chose a new course of study that deepened my spiritual understanding. I began reading the books and learning the lessons I needed in order to move to a deeper awareness of who I am and how I can contribute. I set up new rituals. I take time to contemplate, to read, to write, to think. I meditate and practice Falun Gong and Yoga. I let circumstances guide me. I take life one day at a time and embrace what appears.

Give yourself time

The skin I have almost shed has taken three years. I have resisted growing older. I have resisted moving into retirement. I’m still searching for how to feel relevant. However, I am listening. I am thinking. I am letting go. It takes time to grow out of your skin. It takes time to finally shed it. Be patient. When you do shed your outgrown skin, you are free. You can joyously expand – until it’s time again to shed your confining skin.

How Not to Make Plans

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There is no way I can make plans the way I used to.  I used to schedule telecourses and plan book deadlines.  I used to set goals for the number of clients I wanted to coach. I had a yearly  plan. I had a quarterly plan. I had my whole year mapped out. Planning in that much detail now feels foreign to me.  It feels pressured.  It even feels restrictive.  I want to learn not to make plans.  I want to simply let life unfold.

Forget pressure

I’m semi-retired so I have had time to develop a life style that is more organic.  The mere idea of setting some goals to finish the book I am now working on is painful.  How can I rush discovery?  How can I hurry understanding?  The book I am working on is a journey of discovery for me.  I have to let it unfold.  There is no pressure.  There is no deadline. There is only time to gain understanding and formulate my theories.  You cannot hurry the absorption of new ideas..

Let go of restriction

If I fill up my schedule with self-imposed deadlines, there is no room for spontaneity.  Nearly every day I have an insight that I feel compelled to write about in order to absorb it into my own life.  However, that insight and urge to explore it doesn’t come at a specific time each day.  Discovery cannot be hurried. Writing cannot be completed any faster than it is organically finished.  There are restrictions in schedules. There are limitations in too much planning.  Try simply labeling a day with one action: Production, Writing, Technical, Community Building and see how that makes you feel.  Then spend the whole day with one goal – to take steps in that major area.

But what if that’s not what is calling to you on that day?  I can’t be technical when I have inspired words bubbling up.  I can’t write when there is nothing at the moment that calls to me to explore. Be prepared to flow with your inspiration. Check in each morning and see what you feel like doing. Then give it your all.  Gibran says. “Work is love made visible.”  Love what you do and it will touch the hearts of others.

Choose valued qualities and let life unfold.

I have chosen several qualities that I want to express every day of my life.

“Unfolding” is my first major quality. It allows me to be in the present moment and not pend time planning ahead or worrying about what might happen.  I can be present with my passion.  Unfolding allows me to simply jot down a phrase that inspires me and act on it in the muse of the moment or be content with the recording of the phrase and turn it into a meaningful article when I am ready.   I act on my passion, not the clock.

“Awareness” is my second guiding quality. Awareness allows me to be present in the moment and it affects how I respond and react to other people. Awareness allows me to notice the world around me and increases my ability to be inspired by a small gesture, a few words or the birds outside my window.  Awareness allows me to listen to my own heart, to follow my own passion, and to be patient with my own journey.

“Mindfulness” to me is slightly different from awareness. I mindfully take a conscious action.  That means  eating, walking, talking, meditating mindfully.  Awareness is about watching what shows up around you and mindfulness is about consciously applying yourself to the moment.

“Simplicity” is a quality that makes me conscious of my consumption, my footprint on the planet and even the core concept of my work.  Simplicity allows me to appreciate what comes my way and helps me relinquish striving and goal setting. Simplicity builds trust.  The answers that show up are basic and right on.

What qualities will guide you?

You get the idea.  Chose qualities that keeps you present in the moment and allows you to appropriately respond to each circumstance.  When you make certain your responses are aligned with the qualities you value, your life experience becomes peaceful and serene. You move through your days like a gentle stream flowing cheerfully on its way.  You easily move around rocks, tumble down hillsides, and pool into silence.  Along the way, you will nourish and nurture those you come in contact with as you clear a distinctive path for yourself.

The only plans you need to make are what qualities you will cultivate in every moment.