Search Results for: Differences

What Happens When You Change the Context of Your Life?

September 28, 2015 By Cara Lumen

Changing the context of your life is probably the most important shift you can possibly make. What is the perspective you hold of your life? Do you see yourself as interesting, capable, and adventurous, or do you see yourself as struggling and unsuccessful? Which context would serve you best?

How do you shift how you view yourself?

It’s very tempting to identify yourself by your circumstances. At 82, I could put my life in the context of simply being an old person moving through the aging process. But that’s not who I am, nor who I want to be. How do I change how I see myself? How can I change the context of my life? What can I do to change my perspective?

How do you identify yourself?

The core to changing the context of your life lies in changing how you identify yourself. How you identify yourself shows you how much you love yourself and how much you respect yourself.

I see myself as an experienced woman on a deep spiritual journey. In order to gain fresh insights, I write about my discoveries. I study the work of thoughtful authors to increase my understanding, and I practice principles I admire, such as unfolding and mindfulness. That is not necessarily how other people would define me. Those are definitions I give myself based on what I know is going on inside.

Look closely at how you describe who you are and how you contribute. This is a major clue to how you see the context of your life. For most of our lives, we identify ourselves as our job rather than how we contribute to the lives of those around us.

Up until a few years ago I identified myself by my job as a Content Development Coach. When I stopped doing that, I had to search for how to identify myself. If you are not your job, who are you?

How do I change how I see myself?

Look deep inside. How you see yourself, how you feel about your value to others and how you want to be in service all contribute to the context of your life. You have total control over each of those areas. Cultivate who you want to be.

I value my self-sufficient individuality and I have to watch out for loneliness. I want to feel relevant and at the same time I have a burning need to go exploring on my own spiritual journey. I need to find a balance there. Every day I fight not to see myself as simply another old woman in a senior center. I am NOT my surroundings. I am NOT my body. I am NOT my circumstance.

What do you value? What do you want to change? How can you change the context of my life?

Have the courage to be different

“Being different is what makes you who you are. It means you’re daring to live your own life, on your terms, with your values. It means you have courage to stand out from the mainstream. It means you’re interesting. Hug those differences, be grateful for them, own them. Be proud of them.” – Leo Babauta, Zen Habits (www.zenhabits.com)

As we continue our personal journeys, we become more alone in our uniqueness. We gradually and continually change the context of our lives. What is most important to me is the introspective journey of exploring my essence and cultivating my spiritual life.

What is the quality or part of yourself that you value most? How do you see yourself? What is the context of your life?

What can you do to change your perspective?

Make a list of your strengths. Make a list of the compliments and acknowledgements you receive from others, for that is a reflection of how you are seen in the world. Write down adjectives you feel describe you. Notice how positive they are; or how negative. Choose to cultivate only the most positive of images. Notice the strength of your inner cheering section —“I can do that!” “I deserve that!”, “You go, girl!” Accept yourself.
Value your uniqueness. Love yourself. Appreciate how you differ from others. Cultivate your individuality. There is no one else like you.

Learn to recognize your value

Notice how your smile or comment or participation brings joy to others. Look at the edges of your sphere of influence to see the subtle changes you make in the lives of others. Listen for your positive reflection in the faces of the people in your life. You have impact. Become more aware of how and of how much.

You touch more people than you realize

I write to figure things out for myself. I post what I write. I speak to people through podcasts and videos. I have no idea whose life I touch, what insight I inspire, but I know that every life I touch turns around and contributes to others. You touch lives by simply being.

Change the context of your life and change your impact in the world!

To Sing a Deeper Song consider:

Are You a Gift Person

What is Your Personal Promise?

How Do You Measure The Quiet Progress Of Inner Growth?

How Wide Do You Live Your Life?

The Road Taken, the Choices Made

The Shedding Of Your Skin

You Are All-That-Is

What is Your True Nature

I Am You

Return to the Simplicity of The Uncarved Block

16 – How to find you new direction

17 – Plant Your Seed in the Village of Nothingness

Create Your Own Spiritual Journey

June 9, 2014 By Cara Lumen

Religion and spirituality though related, are not synonymous. Religion is the creation of people and cultures. Spirituality is your direct personal relationship with Tao, the All-That-Is. Deepening your spirituality is your personal responsibility. No one can do it for you. You select parts and pieces from numerous sources that inspire you to feel more deeply. You adapt, absorb and weave those concepts into a personalized spiritual program that deepens your inner awareness and amplifies your innate sensitivity to the natural rhythm of things. Do not compare your path with others. Each path is unique and personal.

I have a strong spiritual practice that I lovingly do every day. It is comprised of components that work for me. It changes as I change. It shifts its focus as I seek a new lesson. It is up to each of us to create our own spiritual path, We do that by designing our distinctive practice of self-cultivation.

Become a nonconformist

In order to create your own spiritual journey, you must be willing to see yourself as a nonconformist. You learn to listen to your inner voice and trust it. You learn to respond to your inner urges. Your unique spiritual journey is a solitary path that allows you to continually expand your personal relationship with Tao, the All-That-Is. As a child, I was Presbyterian. As a young mother, I was Episcopalian. Gradually I evolved into a metaphysician who studies and embraces concepts from all the words’ great religions. I became a spiritual practitioner in the Center for Spiritual Living. Eventually I simply wrapped it all up in the package that is me, and used what resonated and expanded my connection and released the rest. To this day, I am exploring. I know how to chant, work with crystals, move energy through my hands, visualize, use affirmations, and direct qi energy. Along my personal spiritual journey, I have learned many ways to deepen my spirituality. I explore whatever calls to me. I keep what works and discard the rest. I adapt, I tweak, I repurpose. I experiment. I change my spiritual practice as I change and grow and develop new needs.

It’s scary to question the religion of your birth. However, it is the religion of your parents. Ultimately, your spiritual path is your personal choice. You have the opportunity to encourage your own spiritual evolution as you continue to find new ways to deepen your connection with your inner self.

Make silence a cornerstone of your spiritual practice

We are Tao. All we need do to experience Tao is open ourselves to it. We do that through silence.That eternal connection is always there waiting to guide and inspire us. We simply need to learn to listen. Silence opens the connection to your inner wisdom. Silence is how you learn to interpret what you find there. Silence may mean meditation, or prayer, reading spiritually uplifting words or writing. It may mean being in nature. The purpose of all spiritual practice is to reach in and touch the power that resides within you. Allow your inner wisdom to guide you in creating your personal spiritual practice. Begin the shaping of your personal spiritual journey with regular periods of contemplative silence. Take time to sit in silence and simply be.

Let go of your mind. Your mind encourages duality and separation. Move into that serene space where you are one with the Tao, the Universe, the All-That-Is, whatever you call it.

Listen to your intuition, that sudden understanding of a situation, that insight, that ah-ha moment Learn to interpret your urges, that unexpected desire to turn left instead of right, or go up instead of down. Begin to live more deeply by following the guidance from the voice within.

My relationships have changed since I began listening more attentively to what people are saying, and using my intuition to hear what is unsaid. Being present helps me make certain my responses are appropriate for that particular moment. Mindful eating, mindful action and mindful listening are powerful catalysts for simply being. . Be present. Be aware Be compassionate. Be.

Reflect

Your inner world is one of extraordinary perceptiveness. It is there that you receive insights that seem to come from nowhere; where you suddenly view circumstances from an unexpected perspective. The insights you receive are yours alone. They are for your singular interpretation, your personal use. Whether you journal, write poetry, paint, compose music, walk in nature, or sit in the sun, time spent in reflection is precious. Take time to question your beliefs. Why do you believe what you do? Do you still believe that? What values are important at this point in your life? Reflection helps you become more self-aware.

Create specific times for reflection in your spiritual practice. Avoid distractions. As I simplify my life, it is easier for me to increase my spiritual awareness. It can be lonely, this journey of self. There is no one who is building his or her own spiritual path exactly like yours. Those who want to sing a deeper song are in a constant state of exploration, discovery and receptivity to change. A simple idea you develop or a phrase you explore can become major turning points in your life. Learn to dwell in the nothingness within, and let the response you find there guide you.

Shape your personal practice

Shape a spiritual practice that nurtures you.How you practice your self-cultivation is very personal. My spiritual path and personal growth have increased rapidly now that I am retired and can spend more time in self-cultivation. A new mudra deeepended my meditaion . A book taught me the form of Qi Gong I practice (The Way of Energy: Mastering the Chinese Art of Internal Strength with Chi Kung Exercise (A Gaia Original))., The poetry of Rumi and Gibran (The Prophet) have offered up insights that guide my life. I am inspired by Emerson’s Essay on Self-Reliance. The Stephen Mitchell translation of the Tao Te Ching now shapes many of my life choices. I am guided by the books of Deng Ming-Dao. 365 Tao: Daily Meditations Whatever works for you – do it. Combine a bit of study with meditation or journaling. Add moving meditation that opens your communication with your body. Write to figure things out for yourself. Shape your personal spiritual practice to fit your needs and your desire to deepen your song.

Develop perseverance and flexibility

Keep experimenting. Try different things at different times of the day. Try different versions of a concept. Journal your subtle progress. Notice what works Replace anything that doesn’t work. Cultivate patience, planning and timing. Be aware of what shows up and use that experience as the ultimate teacher, creating and adjusting as you continually move forward. We need to nourish what we set in motion and adjust our course as needed.

Be Open

When we live mindfully in the present moment, we embrace the best of what each day offers. We stand tall on our spiritual path. We personally select all the beliefs, attitudes, responses and reactions that color and shape our lives. Whatever you do, do it to the fullest. Embrace it fully. Then go within and become aware of what you learned and how it helped you grow and what you want to do next.

Do You Engage in Destructive Gossip?

April 18, 2014 By Cara Lumen

Why do we gossip? Why do we pass along detrimental knowledge about someone? What makes us feel the need to tell others about someone’s failure? In my senior community, I watch destructive gossip swirl around me and find myself tempted to contribute. Why do we pass along the observations and criticism that we do?

Unfortunately I have to use an example of a person and circumstance that made me super upset and my continued negative response to that person forced me to look and see why I was mad and what I was doing with my anger. I didn’t like being negative. I didn’t like feeling critical. Why was I doing that and how could I change it?

It’s all a reflection of you

If someone makes you mad, it is because it is a reflection of something you don’t like about yourself.

No one likes to hear that, but it is true. There was much about this woman that was like me. She was acting in a manner that I had in the past. I could see what her mistake was, but she wasn’t interested in what I had learned. She had a burning need to do it her way. There were core things we disagreed on but the bottom line was that she prevented me from doing what I needed to do to fulfill a responsibility I had accepted. There was no compromise from her, only what seemed to me as a very strong need to control.

My response was colored by my beliefs, my needs, and my interpretation

Her position prevented me from doing the job I needed to do in an effective manner. I also thought she was doing her job without meeting the needs of the people she was to serve. My needs were thwarted, my judgmental interpretation was filled with frustration, and what I saw was that she needed to be in control and she was serving as a giant barrier in my path.. She, on the other hand, had simply done the job in a manner that she thought was good and right and helpful. Bummer. I got upset all by myself.

Did I contribute to gossip?

Yes. I shared my frustration and judgmentalness with my friends. Other people were having a difficult time with her actions and responses so we shared our experiences. Why? Did it make us feel righteous, wronged, or justified? Did we need to be heard? Did we feel our ideas didn’t count? Did we need it to be our way? Did we take her actions too personally? Yes, on all counts. That made our gossip destructive whether we meant for it to be or not.

Did I try to resolve it?

I did try to resolve our differences by going directly to her. When that didn’t bring a compromise I went around her to find another way to do my job. My irritation grew along with my judgementalness and my need to pass along my frustration to others. I knew I had to take steps to stop the anger and frustration within myself.

I let go

Letting go works magic. Whatever emotion is coming up, when you feel angry or judgmental, or hurt, let it go. Watch how rapidly all the emotion immediately dissolves. The relief is immediately gratifying. I let go of my need to have her work done a certain way in order to accommodate my job.. I let go of the frustration I had gone through while looking for a way around her so I could do what I was charged with doing. And I stopped participating in negative conversations about her. I couldn’t speak to her. I couldn’t interact with her while I was working to heal myself from within. But I did let go of my anger. I was frustrated. I was judgmental. I wanted to feel that my way was a better way. I began to let that go of all those emotions.

Be aware of the reasons you want to gossip

We gossip for many reasons: to raise our own self-esteem, to feel part of an in-group, maybe even to get back at someone, but gossip is destructive, not to the person you aim it at. Gossip is destructive to you.

Learn to listen

One of her neighbors encouraged her to listen to the criticism that was being voiced about her work. She ultimately asked to meet with some of us who were positions of leadership in order to heal the dissatisfaction and frustration. I don’t know how much she heard of what was said. I don’t know if she understood the needs that needed to be met because she is still wrapped up in her own needs and version of how things should be. We’ll have to see. For my part, I have found my way around her and it will all unfold they way it should.

What you look for you find

If you focus on finding the negative, you’ll find only negative things. You will draw more negativityto your life. You will draw to you people who thrive on negative gossip. Is that what you want in your life? Become conscious of what you say about others and even more importantly, why you say things about others. We all have some major soul-searching to do before we open our mouths to gossip.

What If My Brown Hair Made Me Unacceptable

March 11, 2012 By Cara Lumen

Extremists scare me. It makes no difference whether it’s a liberal extremist or a conservative extremist, it’s the extreme part that is scary. It means that those people will never compromise. They only want things one way – their way.

I think extremists are afraid

They are afraid of understanding anyone or anything that is outside the realm of their experience. They are afraid of change. They certainly have no intention of compromising to make room for another person’s point of view. They are afraid to explore and learn and they are most of all afraid to change their minds.

What if my brown hair made me unacceptable?

I’m a liberal. I believe that we are all one universal energy –whatever we want to call it. And as such we are all related, regardless of the color of our hair, or skin, or our religion. So when you attack people because they are different you are attacking yourself. Intolerance comes from criticizing in others the parts of yourself that you don’t accept or love.

This is 2012. The Republicans are nay saying everything that comes their way. They have set ridged boundaries and refuse to cross them and the population be dammed. They are standing on a perceived “principle.” One of the politatitions says gay people make the choice to be gay and that choice is a wrong one. That’s like telling me the brown hair I was born with was my choice and it’s a wrong one.

Where is the acceptance?

Forget settling for tolerance, I want us to all have acceptance. We need to learn to accept each other for the greatness and goodness inherit in each of us. That doesn’t mean you have to hang out with people you don’t like but it sure as heck doesn’t mean you get to tell them what to do.

Years ago when George Bush suggested we should all be Christian I wrote an article called “What If You Were Persecuted?” I’m a metaphysician and it felt like he was telling me I couldn’t practice the spiritual path that resonated most with me. That’s the first time I had ever experienced judgment and intolerance.

When we say that our way is the only right way we are denying others their right to believe what they need to believe and live their lives as they need and want. That’s not what this country is about. That’s not what our lives are about.

Where is the highest good for all?

I want statesmen to show up. I don’t want politicians. I want those people I have helped elect to office to work for the highest good of all. I don’t want there to be party lines. I want there to be for-the-people lines and I want every politician to be on the “we-the-people” team.

What can we do?

Now that I’ve expressed my fear and my frustration what can I do? What can we do? I wish we could elect people by popular vote. I’m a Democrat sitting in a Republican state and I feel the helplessness and ineffectiveness of my personal opinion. But we do get to vote and not all countries get to do even that.

We can become more accepting of others. Those acts of kindness and appreciation for our differences will be passed forward. We can refuse to elect politicians who have limiting beliefs – any belief that is not accepting of the rights, wellbeing and personal spiritual freedom of others. We can refuse to tolerate intolerant comments about someone being gay, or black, or overweight or handicapped. We can start looking for the ways we are the same and bond together for the highest good of all.

Do You Know What Your Heart Needs and How to Get It?

August 18, 2011 By Cara Lumen

Sometimes there are vacancies within us that we don’t know how to fix. We can’t fix them because we don’t know what causes them. In a recent radio show on Chopra Radio I learned that there were four things your heart needs and as I listened to what they were I realized that I wanted to bring them more deeply into my life. The four things the heart needs are attention, affection, appreciation and acceptance.

Attention

It’s not that have to be a star it’s that we want to be seen. We want to know that our life counts. We want to feel that we are here for a necessary purpose and that our being who we are has value. In order to have that experience we need to be noticed by others.

Affection

We need to be touched – not necessarily physically, but a smile, a warm tone of voice, some sign that we are cared about.

Appreciation

We all want to believe we are making a contribution, that our presence and our participation makes a difference. Being appreciated allows us to stay motivated. Appreciation helps us stay in a relationship. Where there is no acknowledgement there are no feelings of satisfaction.

Acceptance

We want to be considered a part of whatever it is we are looking for. We want to be seen as a purposeful being that is needed and valued.

How did you do? Did you discover what is missing in your life? Or do you have it all? How are you giving these needs of the heart to the people around you?

With this awareness I can do two things, find out what I need and look for ways that I can give the people I care about these four things that they need for their heart.

Giving and Getting Attention

How to give attention to yourself: Are you really paying attention to yourself? Are you noticing your conscious choices, your unconscious choices, your words, your feelings? By paying attention to your life experience and giving thought to your emotions and intuition, you can make choices that make a difference in your life experience.

How to give attention to others: When you walk into a room do you take time to acknowledge those present? Sometimes we are self conscious and don’t take time to make eye contact or greet everyone we should. We could make certain we pay attention to those who are shy, or silent in the group. In order to give more generously of your attention take time to simply be with the people you talk with.

Giving and Getting Affection

How to give affection to yourself: If you are living alone you probably don’t get hugged very often. But you could give yourself a big hug along with some kind words on a regular basis. Write down the supportive things people have said to you during the day. If you are looking for them you will hear them. Treat yourself with kindness because you are worth it.

How to give affection to others: You can show affection to others by making steady eye contact and taking time to give them a genuine smile. You can make certain your voice is warm and affectionate when you speak with them. If it is natural for you to pat an arm or a shoulder do it. And when you are moved to hug, go for it. Look for ways you can show your genuine affection for those around you.

Giving and Getting Appreciation

How to give appreciation to yourself: Appreciating yourself is not about noticing your skills and talents, although you can certainly do that, appreciation is about noticing where you make a difference. How did you make a difference today? It may be something you did or something you said or even something you plan to do. If you look for those moments of contribution you will see them.

How to give appreciation to others: Showing your appreciation for others is probably the easiest step you can take. I have thanked surgeons for their skills, something they possibly are not specifically thanked for. I have thanked managers for their kind and loving care of a senior community. I have acknowledged a job well done, or a thoughtful gesture given or just appreciation for having a particular person in my life. Just look for the many gifts others give and acknowledge them.

Giving and Getting Acceptance

How to give acceptance to yourself: This is huge. Do you accept yourself just as you are? Do you see yourself as a meaningful human being? Acceptance is not about not changing, it is about being patient with yourself and loving yourself throughout your journey, however rocky and off course it seems to get.

How to give acceptance to others: Acceptance is about honoring our differences without judgment. That’s a certain road to world peace. The acceptance the heart needs is to feel included, to feel a part of what we value. We all want to feel like we are recognized as a purposeful being. Who can you include in your next group activity? Who do you need to recognize for their unique contribution that makes them a necessary part of the team? How can you make someone feel they belong?

These are huge values to consider: attention, affection, appreciation and acceptance. Be conscious of the four things the heart needs and address them all. Actively give those experiences to yourself and pro-actively give them to others. Then see how much better the world seems to be.