I think extremists are afraid
What if my brown hair made me unacceptable?
Where is the acceptance?
Where is the highest good for all?
What can we do?
Sometimes there are vacancies within us that we don’t know how to fix. We can’t fix them because we don’t know what causes them. In a recent radio show on Chopra Radio I learned that there were four things your heart needs and as I listened to what they were I realized that I wanted to bring them more deeply into my life. The four things the heart needs are attention, affection, appreciation and acceptance.
It’s not that have to be a star it’s that we want to be seen. We want to know that our life counts. We want to feel that we are here for a necessary purpose and that our being who we are has value. In order to have that experience we need to be noticed by others.
We need to be touched – not necessarily physically, but a smile, a warm tone of voice, some sign that we are cared about.
We all want to believe we are making a contribution, that our presence and our participation makes a difference. Being appreciated allows us to stay motivated. Appreciation helps us stay in a relationship. Where there is no acknowledgement there are no feelings of satisfaction.
We want to be considered a part of whatever it is we are looking for. We want to be seen as a purposeful being that is needed and valued.
How did you do? Did you discover what is missing in your life? Or do you have it all? How are you giving these needs of the heart to the people around you?
With this awareness I can do two things, find out what I need and look for ways that I can give the people I care about these four things that they need for their heart.
How to give attention to yourself: Are you really paying attention to yourself? Are you noticing your conscious choices, your unconscious choices, your words, your feelings? By paying attention to your life experience and giving thought to your emotions and intuition, you can make choices that make a difference in your life experience.
How to give attention to others: When you walk into a room do you take time to acknowledge those present? Sometimes we are self conscious and don’t take time to make eye contact or greet everyone we should. We could make certain we pay attention to those who are shy, or silent in the group. In order to give more generously of your attention take time to simply be with the people you talk with.
How to give affection to yourself: If you are living alone you probably don’t get hugged very often. But you could give yourself a big hug along with some kind words on a regular basis. Write down the supportive things people have said to you during the day. If you are looking for them you will hear them. Treat yourself with kindness because you are worth it.
How to give affection to others: You can show affection to others by making steady eye contact and taking time to give them a genuine smile. You can make certain your voice is warm and affectionate when you speak with them. If it is natural for you to pat an arm or a shoulder do it. And when you are moved to hug, go for it. Look for ways you can show your genuine affection for those around you.
How to give appreciation to yourself: Appreciating yourself is not about noticing your skills and talents, although you can certainly do that, appreciation is about noticing where you make a difference. How did you make a difference today? It may be something you did or something you said or even something you plan to do. If you look for those moments of contribution you will see them.
How to give appreciation to others: Showing your appreciation for others is probably the easiest step you can take. I have thanked surgeons for their skills, something they possibly are not specifically thanked for. I have thanked managers for their kind and loving care of a senior community. I have acknowledged a job well done, or a thoughtful gesture given or just appreciation for having a particular person in my life. Just look for the many gifts others give and acknowledge them.
How to give acceptance to yourself: This is huge. Do you accept yourself just as you are? Do you see yourself as a meaningful human being? Acceptance is not about not changing, it is about being patient with yourself and loving yourself throughout your journey, however rocky and off course it seems to get.
How to give acceptance to others: Acceptance is about honoring our differences without judgment. That’s a certain road to world peace. The acceptance the heart needs is to feel included, to feel a part of what we value. We all want to feel like we are recognized as a purposeful being. Who can you include in your next group activity? Who do you need to recognize for their unique contribution that makes them a necessary part of the team? How can you make someone feel they belong?
These are huge values to consider: attention, affection, appreciation and acceptance. Be conscious of the four things the heart needs and address them all. Actively give those experiences to yourself and pro-actively give them to others. Then see how much better the world seems to be.
© 2011 Cara Lumen