personal growth

Are You a Gift Person?

March 22, 2012 By Cara Lumen

Have you ever thought of a person as a gift? A gift person is one who comes into your life and leaves you with an awareness or insight that enriches or motivates or helps you change direction. They are everywhere. We just need to notice them.

A gift person could be a long-standing friend

The most obvious gift person will be someone close to you. You are aware of how much you value their friendship and you know you can count on them. I have three major friends I count on to help me sort myself out. I go to them for different reasons. One is my philosophical/spiritual friend, another is my business related reflector, and another is for physical plane and practical assistance. I go to them in my time of need and I hope I am there for them in the ways they need me to be. You don’t need different friends for different reasons, but sometimes having a friend who can take you deeper into one particular aspect of a problem is helpful.

A gift person is often unexpected

Your paths cross. This could be a brief encounter or a lengthy one. A new person comes into your life and opens up some new paths you want to explore. A new client of mine is an aromatherapist and as I help her expand her business, I want to know more about the energetic uses of essential oils. Her path and interest has influenced mine. Whose path has changed your direction?

You are thanked. A gift person acknowledges others. She mentions the small moments of service, the laughter that was shared, or the work that was accomplished together. Acknowledgement from a client will help me see how I am in service to them. It helps me provide more of that same benefit to others. When did you last thank someone? When did someone thank you?

A new insight occurs. A gift may come from something you observe. I was fascinated to hear the differing versions a group of us had about a person who had passed away. I realized that we are seen differently at various points of our life depending on the needs of the person we interact with and what we are able to give back at the time. As I grow older, it made me more forgiving of some of my past choices. What new insights have circumstances provided for you?

You are given an opportunity. I take my highly honed organization ability for granted. I actively apply it in my business. But I have been inordinately pleased with the sense of service that I received while volunteering a basic skill in a group that really needed what I had to offer. Look for places to share yourself that you have not explored before.

A gift person could be a brief encounter when you most need it. A woman in the complex where I live complimented me about an article I had written for our newsletter. It was unexpected and I was touched by it. It encouraged me to keep writing for that publication. See what unsolicited compliments you can deliver today.

I used to keep an Acknowledgement Book. When someone said something positive about me I wrote it down, along with the date and who said it. Whenever I got down in the dumps, I would read those messages I had been given and perhaps couldn’t accept at the time. Sometimes I was amazed at what they saw in me, it often was more than I could see in myself. Now my acknowledgments are in my computer many in the form of testimonials I have received over the years. Are your positive comments in someone else’s Acknowledgement Book?

A gift person can be someone whose words you read

I am continually challenged and changed by Abraham-Hicks and Mike Dooly. Seth Godin and Sonja Simone inspire me to do better work. And I have a collection of meaningful phrases I have read in the fiction books I read. A gift can come from a news story, or a talk, or a blog post someone chooses to share. We are surrounded by gifts coming at us from all directions. What we write, what we say and how we show up are part of our gifts.

Are you a gift person?

Sometime a gift person just listens. Sometimes a gift person simply shows up as who they are in the moment. Sometimes a gift person is someone you don’t know but who writes something that changes your life. The idea of a gift person came from the book “Evensong” by Gail Godwin. She is a magnificent writer and as I read I am writing down phrases that express my own feelings and deepened my awareness of my own process and path. Sometimes you don’t have any idea that you have been a gift person.

I want to be a gift person. I want my words to be thoughtful. I want my presence to be inspiriting; I want my kindness to be felt. Go out and be a gift person today.

Can You Live An Unhurried Day?

March 14, 2012 By Cara Lumen

“In my life I have deliberately cultivated a workday that is flexible, simplified, slow, mindful, creative” writes Leo Babauta and I wondered what that would feel like, how I could experience that

Set aside contemplative time

Mindfully starting your day with inner work sets the stage. I do Falun Gong followed by Transcendental Meditation and a passage from “Opening Doors Within” by Eileen Cady. When I get to my computer I read the daily quote from www.abraham-hicks.com and www.tut.com And sometimes I sit down and write a post like this in which I try to figure out what changes I can make in my awareness that will deepen my spiritual connection with the Universe.

Journal for awareness

I journal on my computer but in the past I wrote by hand. There is something so serene about hand writing your thoughts, particularly if you are mindful of the way you form your letters and how your ideas emerge on the paper. Writing helps you bring your ideas into a tangible form. For me the ultimate act of creation is capturing an idea and helping it take shape. Sometimes I journal at the end of the day. I reflect on how I felt, what I contributed, what I learned, whose lives I touched and opportunities I took or didn’t take. Acknowledgement and gratitude are important and journaling is a good place to record them.

Simply be

I purchased a new frame for a poster I have always loved to look at. It had been behind a door for many months waiting patiently for me to get the frame. When it was finally up in its new place I simply sat and enjoyed it. I looked around my home and savored the arrangements I have made and the objects I have collected. When my cat came to cuddle on my lap I added that affection to my awareness. It’s nourishing to simply be. I have a bird feeder beside the window where I sit at my computer that brings me fascinating visitors. I take time to watch their interaction. I have a willow tree that dances in the wind and the sky is like having my own artist create masterpieces for me as the sun descends or a storm comes or the fluffy clouds parade around the sky. Take time to simply be with what is.

Read the signs and signals

Sometimes I want guidance. I have an opportunity to consider or a choice to make so I ask the universe for signs. These show up as ah ha moments. They show up as new opportunities. They show up as a sentence I read in a blog post. I’ve been getting a steady series of signs to move more deeply into the spiritual aspect of my work. They keep coming and I keep listening. Now I’m acting on them. Follow your heart when you make your choices.

Capture the opportunities

In your unhurried day you do have to act. It’s not about how much you accomplish, it’s about what you actually achieve, how you move yourself forward, what lives you touch or will touch by what you do with your time. Is what you are doing aligned with your vision? Does it help you change lives? Is it an idea that will serve others? Each day chose to act on only three things that will move you closer to your goal. Take your journey one thoughtful step at a time.

Are You Making The Best Use Of Inner Time?

A workday that is “flexible, simplified, slow, mindful, creative.” When we keep that desire in mind and move with conscious awareness throughout our day we will find ourselves both productive and nourished. I would like that.

When you slow down you savor. When you savor you are nourished. Do you know how to live an unhurried day?

What If My Brown Hair Made Me Unacceptable

March 11, 2012 By Cara Lumen

Extremists scare me. It makes no difference whether it’s a liberal extremist or a conservative extremist, it’s the extreme part that is scary. It means that those people will never compromise. They only want things one way – their way.

I think extremists are afraid

They are afraid of understanding anyone or anything that is outside the realm of their experience. They are afraid of change. They certainly have no intention of compromising to make room for another person’s point of view. They are afraid to explore and learn and they are most of all afraid to change their minds.

What if my brown hair made me unacceptable?

I’m a liberal. I believe that we are all one universal energy –whatever we want to call it. And as such we are all related, regardless of the color of our hair, or skin, or our religion. So when you attack people because they are different you are attacking yourself. Intolerance comes from criticizing in others the parts of yourself that you don’t accept or love.

This is 2012. The Republicans are nay saying everything that comes their way. They have set ridged boundaries and refuse to cross them and the population be dammed. They are standing on a perceived “principle.” One of the politatitions says gay people make the choice to be gay and that choice is a wrong one. That’s like telling me the brown hair I was born with was my choice and it’s a wrong one.

Where is the acceptance?

Forget settling for tolerance, I want us to all have acceptance. We need to learn to accept each other for the greatness and goodness inherit in each of us. That doesn’t mean you have to hang out with people you don’t like but it sure as heck doesn’t mean you get to tell them what to do.

Years ago when George Bush suggested we should all be Christian I wrote an article called “What If You Were Persecuted?” I’m a metaphysician and it felt like he was telling me I couldn’t practice the spiritual path that resonated most with me. That’s the first time I had ever experienced judgment and intolerance.

When we say that our way is the only right way we are denying others their right to believe what they need to believe and live their lives as they need and want. That’s not what this country is about. That’s not what our lives are about.

Where is the highest good for all?

I want statesmen to show up. I don’t want politicians. I want those people I have helped elect to office to work for the highest good of all. I don’t want there to be party lines. I want there to be for-the-people lines and I want every politician to be on the “we-the-people” team.

What can we do?

Now that I’ve expressed my fear and my frustration what can I do? What can we do? I wish we could elect people by popular vote. I’m a Democrat sitting in a Republican state and I feel the helplessness and ineffectiveness of my personal opinion. But we do get to vote and not all countries get to do even that.

We can become more accepting of others. Those acts of kindness and appreciation for our differences will be passed forward. We can refuse to elect politicians who have limiting beliefs – any belief that is not accepting of the rights, wellbeing and personal spiritual freedom of others. We can refuse to tolerate intolerant comments about someone being gay, or black, or overweight or handicapped. We can start looking for the ways we are the same and bond together for the highest good of all.

Have You Invested In Yourself Lately?

September 29, 2010 By Cara Lumen

by Cara Lumen

Wherever you are in your life there is a next step coming. It could be about personal growth, it could be business development, it could be about relationships, but you are always changing and there is always something you need to learn. To keep yourself moving along, you need to continually invest in yourself.

Invest in yourself through awareness

The first step in investing in the outcome of your future is to know what you want. That means being observant about what you love to do, what you don’t so much like to do, what’s working, what’s not, and that long look inside to determine that you are following your passion. Then you make your choices.

Invest in yourself by learning

I love to learn. Whether it’s through a book, a course, a conversation, or exploration, learning something new keeps me interested and interesting. What are you doing to continue your learning?

Sometimes even while reading a novel I find a phrase that sparks a blog post. In reading the blog posts of others I get ideas for my own next steps. A conversation with an interesting entrepreneur gives me inspiration. And sometimes I simply say “I want to learn more about that” and go do it.

Invest in yourself through play

When we take time to tune into our own rhythm, we heal, we balance, we restore ourselves. And we have to slow down in order to find that rhythm. If your days are so full of have-to’s and should’s, you’ll never hear your body say, “let’s take a nap.” If you are too busy you won’t hear the call of your children, or significant other and take time to receive the special gifts only they can give. And if you don’t slow down you won’t take time to make new friends that will nourish and encourage you. Take time to play, to honor your own needs and rhythm.

Invest in yourself self care

I have a friend who does not take care of herself. She doesn’t cook for herself. She doesn’t keep her home very tidy. It’s as if she’s saying, “I don’t count.” If you don’t take care of yourself, who will? If you don’t love and honor yourself, who will? Invest in your self – in your care, your nourishment, your development, your insights, your pleasure, and your spiritual growth.

Get the help you need

Whether you need coaching, or a course, or a coach, or a friend, get the help you need to increase your personal awareness, increase your learning, deepen your relationships, care for yourself and follow your passion. Whether that helps is from the inner or outer makes no difference, just ask for help and it will be there.

How I Cured Myself of Giving Unsolicited Advice

July 19, 2010 By Cara Lumen

by Cara Lumen

I get in so much trouble because I have a tendency to get excited with ideas and offer them to people unsolicited and it feels to them like I’m giving advice which I may very well be and it doesn’t go over well. Have you had that experience? It’s getting in my way and I sought some help to stop the habit. Even though I know I do it, it is so engrained as to be unconscious. I recently was given the words I needed to hear to make the shift in consciousness that has been such a long time coming. It has changed the way I now approach others and has softened my interaction with them.

Reframe what you are doing

Although I’ve known I gave advice too often I seemed unable to stop it until I heard some words that helped me reframe my advice-giving in a different light and I was able to make a change. My son said “You have positioned yourself as a trusted advisor.” That’s all I heard although there was more to the sentence because a major shift happened, I reframed how I saw myself. My son may have meant that I offer too much advice, but the phrase changed how I see my role. To me a trusted advisor listens and absorbs and listens some more. I liked being a trusted advisor. Suddenly I had given myself permission to simply be with people and not let my mind go off in all sorts of ideas that they could do if it interested them. It brings me great peace to just listen.

The second thing that happened was a I read a post by Tama Kieves www.AwakeningArtistry.com called “My Number One Career and Soul Coaching Tip: Listening with Love” in which she talked about sacred neutrality, how her role is to look for the truth, to observe and listen, to be curious, not conclusive and be a sacred witness for their consciousness. That made a huge shift for me, particularly when it allowed me to be curious but not conclusive. Listen and observe but not offer advice – unless asked for.

Listening creates more positive results than offering advice

I bet you money that very seldom someone comes up to you and says “I want your advice.” They want you to listen while they sort themselves out. And they do sort themselves out without our help. If you take the role of “curious” you might pose a question or two but you will not reach a conclusion like the advice-giving “you could do this or that.” And I really like the idea of being a sacred witness for their consciousness. The only answers come from within and sometimes we listen to the inner voice in silence and sometimes in the company of others. But the answer is ours to receive and ours to act upon. No one outside of ourselves can help us with that process.

So the third realization was that an outside listener does not hold the answers for another person. Wow, that’s big – I don’t have their answers so why am I running around trying to give advice? I must hold a sacred neutrality. I can be a sounding board so they can hear their own answers. That means that listening creates more positive results than any amount of advice giving I might ever do.

A new habit to create

This is a new awareness for me and I haven’t had a chance to put it into practice yet but I’m going to make signs for my desk that say:
• “Sacred Neutrality”
• “Sacred Witness for their consciousness”
• “Observe and Listen”
• “Curious not Conclusive”

And I’ll practice those qualities on my phone conversations so that when I get with people in person I will know how to simply be with them. Simple be. No advice, no ideas, just my presence, my supportive, listening, loving presence.

I can do that.