A friend said I was past the point of validation. And I was – by about a week. What happened to make me feel self-confident and how did I get there? Why do we need validation from others and how can we move past that?
Everyone needs to feel valuable
Everyone needs to feel that what they do is worthwhile. But what if you don’t? What do you need to happen in order to feel that what you do and say and who you are has value?
How do you impact others?
When you have impact, you affect people and circumstances. You influence others. Your actions have meaning.
You begin to accept that you count. You see how you are affecting others. You understand your impact. People tell you or you can see it for yourself. You begin to believe in your own value. Notice how you impact others.
The work I offer is rather subtle. It asks you to do inner work and the results are hard to measure – let alone verbalize. I received encouraging words about my work but no specifics. All I knew to do was to keep on doing what I was doing – following my inner calling.
You move past the point of validation when you see and know how you are impacting others.
All change is made within you
In the past year, I reached out several times, looking for validation – from others. The truth is, they gave me praise and support, but until I believed it I couldn’t feel it. I couldn’t accept it. The only one who can validate me is me.
And the only one who can validate you is you.
What happened to help me feel validated? I made a shift in how I view myself. I saw myself differently. And I knew I was exactly where I am supposed to be, in the sweet spot of my life, doing what I am supposed to be doing, serving the people who will benefit from what I do.
How do you see yourself?
Because I’m an introvert, because my interest lies in searching deep inside myself for meaning, I made myself wrong for perhaps being self-focused and self-centered. Until, through a series of closely aligned events, I suddenly saw myself as an artist, a person who gets her inspiration from introspection and creative contemplation.
How I defined myself suddenly made my actions of introspection exactly right for my vocation.
Artists prefer being alone, they contemplate, they can be a little quirky. That shift in how I perceived myself made me more accepting of how I’m living my life.
How do you value your work?
The second step in moving beyond the need for validation was when I finally defined my “product,” the work I was producing. My product is the insights and observations that I share from my own introspective journey. It’s not the posts and podcasts and ebooks, it’s the ideas – my unique take on a concept and my personalized way to apply it to my life. I identified my product and saw how it was changing lives. Are you defining your “product” too broadly?
You have to believe your value
Your value is not about how much money you make, it’s how deeply you impact even one life. It may be in helping a family member, it may be in serving as a member of team, or it may be as a thoughtful leader in some place of service. Your value can be in your enthusiastic personality. There are so many ways we are valuable. Learn to notice and acknowledge the subtle ways you serve.
Believe in you inner urges
I’m being called to go deeper into my inner work. And I’m going. I don’t know who it’ll impact. I don’t even know what it’ll look like, but I know I must go in this direction. I validate myself by being true to my calling.
I validate myself by constantly improving my writing, up-leveling skills and placing my work on more platforms.
Physically I can no longer go to conferences, or give keynote talks. But I have a place and a purpose that challenges me, nourishes me, grows me and affects the lives of others.
And that’s how I’ve moved past the point of validation.
To Sing a Deeper Song consider:
How Chris Brogan Changed My Life
How Often Do You Redefine Yourself?
Engage in the Power of trust
How to Deepen Your Calling
How Do You Challenge Yourself?
Take The Path to Trust
Fitting In Is Not What You Do To Be Extraordinary
Your Work as You
18- How Your Light Illuminates Paths of Darkness
21 – How to Share a Piece of Your Soul
How to Walk Beside Someone in Service