Self Mastery

Why You Should Start Hanging Out with People Who are Playing Bigger than You Are

July 8, 2008 By Cara Lumen

I’m about to be stretched. I’m about to be asked to think bigger than I have been, to look at possibilities that I’ve never considered and to probably change my thinking. I’m going to start hanging out with people who are playing bigger than I am.

You can only take yourself so far

We need to surround ourselves with people who see our potential. From within our own lives our viewpoint of what is possible for us is limited by old beliefs and fears. But other people don’t see that, they don’t know what thoughts stop us, they only see our potential. We need to hang out with them so we can have a bigger view of what is possible for us.

I used to keep an acknowledgement book in which I wrote the nice things people said about me with the date it was said. When I started feeling dumpy about myself I’d read what was written. "Oh, they saw that in me? I didn’t know." Now I simply save the lovely emails and the amazing testimonials that people give me. But I still have to go read them periodically to reaffirm my own value.

Hanging out with the bigger players shows you how it’s done

Every time I have a conversation with someone about their services or the way they manage their business, I find some small nugget for myself that I can adapt or modify or just plain use.

I’m about to acquire another coaching certification and as I give thought to how I will work it into my current business I find my vision expanding. When I talked to another participant about how he structured his coaching practice I began to rethink mine. When I heard how much he charged I realized I was ready to reposition my fees and attract more clients who firmly believe that my coaching is well worth the money and are willing to spend it to grow their business.

And it’s scary

I’m in a funny place. At 75 when someone asks me what my five year plan is my answer is "To still be here!" But that’s a joke, because I’m building my business with all the intention of working it for another 30 years. But there is an energy about someone twenty or thirty years younger that I need to recapture.

That’s another reason to hang out with people who are playing bigger than I am. I need to create my version of my business in a way that honors who I am, what I know how to do, and how I want to live my life. And I need to watch what other people are doing for ideas.

So I have to overcome the fact that only 10% of women my age went to college (I went back for my MA at 40) and that women of my generation were only expected to grow up and be housewives.

I have to overcome the loss of confidence I discovered when I reentered the work force after fifteen years of raising children to find what I knew how to do had no value to others in the work place.

And I get to celebrate my blossoming as my creative, enthusiastic self and the fact that at long last I am deeply involved in what I love to do.

Now that I’ve made it to this point I get to do more.

So I’m going to go hang out with people who are doing their business well and see what I can learn from them. And while I’m at it I’ll keep an eye out on what I can teach them.

You see it’s not about who is better or worse, who is more than or less than, it’s a study in how beautifully different each of us are. I will engage in this training environment with a willingness to learn, an enthusiasm to share, and an expectation of both inner and outer expansion.

That’s why it’s important to periodically go hang out with people playing bigger than you are.

Six Thoughtful Ways to Make Room for Change

June 23, 2008 By Cara Lumen

by Cara Lumen

My quest for a way to make room for change was prompted by the need to schedule more time to do copy writing for my clients. The first question was how much time do I schedule when I don’t know how much time it will take to do the job? In order to make room for change, I had to rethink what I already had in place.

1. Rethink your own rules

I have used an Excel spread sheet to block off times for client appointments, creating new information products, writing client copy, writing and posting articles and working my business. I have been setting Mondays aside to work on expanding my own business. But maybe I should rethink that. Maybe Mondays are not the best day, maybe I need to choose Fridays instead. Maybe I have to spread my business development time over several days. I began to let go of what I had in place and began to rethink my own system.

2. Make use of your fritters

The first thing I noticed in creating my new self-schedule was that I like to watch The View on TV every day at 10 AM. Now frankly, 10 AM is too early for me to take a break and as I looked at my schedule I thought, "That could be a whole hour out of my work day. Unless…." I very much need to put more exercise in my life so guess what…I’m going to bend and stretch and move my body while I watch the intelligent women on The View. It’s a win-win solution.

I started tracking my "fritters" — those things I take time for that do not move me forward in my business or my work load. I began to look at why I was doing them – was I putting off something hard or did I simply need a change of tasks?

Not every time out is a fritter. I talk to my friend/ web designer partner every day. We talk about our lives, our families, our clients and our business decisions. Every conversation nourishes and balances me . It’s a meaningful pause in my productive day.

3. Get real about what’s NOT working

Just as I found a way to add another dimension to an hour of TV that would make it contribute to my life, I began to look at what’s NOT working.

It recently took me a long time to create an introductory email to a new client about an element of my services. I have now saved that in a New Client Start Up file and when another new client appeared I found that it was easy to adjust.

I have developed very strong intake forms that make starting with a new client easy and effective for both of us.. I have another intake form for gathering the information I need to write strong sales pages. And every time I have to write a lengthy explanation about something to one client, I create it as an article for my Magnetic Marketing Coaching Library so it’s ready for the next time that question is asked. I keep an eye out for information I am repeating that could be automated, even if it’s as simple as having a few often needed responses already written than only take a few minutes to adjust and send.

I need to keep myself clear from interruptions, particularly when I am writing copy. What are my choices? I could use my voice mail if a call comes in. I can look at my email at noon instead of first thing in the morning so I use my fresh, creative mind time to its best advantage. I could go to my desk earlier and get in an hour or two of uninterrupted time. I can set boundaries with my clients so we agree on a time to call rather than have them call me spontaneously.

I have options. I have choices. I can make changes.

4. Do the math – what do you need to attract

What does it take to create the income you need and want? How many clients? How many hours of copy writing? How many actual income-producing hours do you need to schedule into your week? Get that number in mind, hold that intention and make room for them in your weekly schedule.

Be clear about what is producing income. I may love writing articles and doing podcasts but I also need to be clear about how much income they are measurably generating and balance the time I spend on them accordingly.

If I want more copy writing assignments then I have to be certain my web site reflects that. That may mean additional keyword research, new copy, and setting up new intake systems so I can do the job efficiently and effectively.

Your job is to stay close to the money. Put your time into actual client/customer interaction. Farm out the administrative stuff if you need to. Stay active where you can most affect your business.

5. Re-think your system and be willing to change

Cluster your clients and pick specific session times to fill. Mine are 11, 1 and 3 PST on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. That leaves me Mondays and Tuesdays plus other times to write copy for others, prepare talks, write more information products and work my own business.

A fellow copy writer who does ghost writing said he knows he has to write 1,000 words a day to finish a book in four months so he blocks off his entire morning. He doesn’t answer the phone, he doesn’t answer email, he just writes. His afternoon is more flexible. When his children come home he does his Dad thing but he often returns to work in the evening when his family activities have slowed down. I often fit in another two hours of work in the evening.

Create a schedule that works for you and your family.

6. Make a new plan and try it out – then schedule a time to check it again

Your plan is just a plan; it’s one way to do it. I always love it when the Universe hands me an unexpected opportunity. I lovingly rethink my whole system to accommodate the new invitation.

I also follow my moods. If I’m in the mood to devour a new business book I sit down and do it. If an article starts popping in I sit down and write it. If an idea shows up I stop and take time to write down enough about it so that I have captured its essence. I definitely allow for the creative muse.

Take one step at a time. Get that never-ending "to-do" list out and schedule some of those things onto your calendar every week. Allow them to organically pop to the top. If they don’t get done in a reasonable length of time, take them off the list, they’re not going to happen..

My new plan feels great. It has given me new perspectives and new priorities. I’ll try this one out for awhile and then reexamine, rethink and recreate and make room for more change.

How to Find Your Own Rhythm in the Middle of it All

May 28, 2008 By Cara Lumen

by Cara Lumen

I’m coming to the end of a three month commitment. I’m tired. I have some end-of-the-course leader things to do and I’m about to have time to find my own rhythm again. And I wonder – where did I get out of sync, how did I let it happen, and what do I do to regain it?

Where did I get out of sync with my own rhythm?

I let myself get out of sync with my own personal rhythm gradually. It went unnoticed. I just added more and more things to do, did them and in doing so, pushed aside some of the nourishing things I know to do for myself.

How did I let it happen?

The operative word here is "let." I let myself get out of sync with my own personal rhythm when I made the choices I did. When I stopped reading for pleasure because I was too tense or didn’t have time. When I stopped taking time to exercise or cut my walks short because I had too much to do. When I didn’t take time to connect with a friend. When I didn’t take time to think, to contemplate, to consider what I wanted and needed. Little by little I sabotaged myself and changed my rhythm to accommodate that of other people or the work I chose to do. It is only when a natural pause presents itself that I know that I want to rethink my choices.

What do I do to regain my personal rhythm?

I always go within to see what I really, really want. I make new choices based on what I have recently learned, who I have met, what new ideas I have. And most of all I check within to be sure I am still aligned with my vision and my core values. It may take a few days. When you are ready to regain your personal rhythm, start thinking and journaling. Notice what’s different about you and what is in your life. Rethink your intention, your direction and make some new choices.

Go back to your original purpose

At the core of what I love to do is teaching. I love to learn, I love to create ways to share what I have learned with others, and I love to teach it. That means that for me to be the happiest and most satisfied, all my choices need to be about my original purpose – doing things that allow me to learn, create and teach.

What is your original purpose? Make a list of the things people continually ask you to do and what they compliment you on. Then circle the ones that you love to do, that you do easily and well and eagerly. That’s gives you insight to what you are supposed to be doing.

Then look at your passion

Whether you are starting your own business, selling a product or service, writing an article, or reaching out to a friend, it is your enthusiasm that will work the magic. And your enthusiasm comes from your passion. I love to teach but what exactly do I love to teach, who do I want to teach, how do I want to teach? One of the things I do is help people bring their passion and vision into a tangible, profitable product or service on the internet that other people need and want. It gives me great joy as I help people achieve their goals while nurturing my own need to be creative and teach. Once you find your passion, look for the people who need want you want to offer. And let them know what you have to offer.

Self-contemplate your way to success

I do a quarterly Magnetic Marketing Method Business Alignment in which I examine where I am and where I want to go. I listen to my body for what it needs – more rest, more laughter, more structure. And I redesign my next three months; not with the idea of adhering closely to the plan, but with the idea of recording my observations and intentions based on what I discovered when I take time to do a "reality" check. What I have experienced today is here because I thought about it yesterday – both the good or bad thoughts. What thoughts do I want to hold now in order to create this next quarter, how do I want to honor my own rhythm, how do I want to keep myself in sync?

Take time to pause, to contemplate and then act upon what you discover. That’s how you find your own rhythm in the middle of it all.

The Leaf at My Feet

December 20, 2007 By Cara Lumen

It lay there as a sign to me—the large green leaf. Larger than any leaf I had seen. “It’s a sign,” I thought. I love signs.

I looked up to find its origin and every tree around me was bare. Not a leaf left. I looked back at my “sign” and asked myself, “What does this mean?”

It’s nearing the end of a year, a time when I look at where I’ve been and where I want to go. I had just journaled the realization that what I needed to do was to shift my consciousness to make my business grow and my life richer. But to what? Always the question.

I think it has to do with my sense of personal value (or lack of it) and my trust that whatever shows up I can do. I get to play with people who are playing much bigger than I am and in the process add value to what they are doing. I get to trust my talent and my skill and believe it when people tell me how good I am at what I do. I get to seek out others and suggest a collaboration. I get to expect more.

“This leaf is telling me to play bigger,” I thought. “This leaf is telling me to drop any fears or apprehension about moving into new venues. This leaf is telling me to have a bigger vision and to believe in it.”

I continued my walk, admiring the leaf in my hand. It was a spring green although I knew it was actually a dying green. And it certainly was big. There was not a tree in sight that could have produced it.

And then I saw them. A half dozen more of these very large green leaves, larger than the one I held in my hand, all scattered in a cluster on the ground. I picked up two of the largest ones and looked around to see where they could have come from. And then I saw it—a tree in the back yard of a neighbor, hidden from view by a tall fence. And I thought, “What tall fence am I hiding behind? If this leaf is a sign of my huge talent, from what have I constructed the fence that hides it from view?”

Fear? Uncertainty? I want to tear down that fence. I want to take my large talents and spread them all over the neighborhood – all over the world, in fact. I want other seekers to find my large green leaf and get the message – everything is possible. We live in a world of infinite possibilities. We are given gifts that only we can give to another. We must get to work. We must play big. We must live our vision.

And so, my friends, this story is my large green leaf to you. In the coming year, let’s both come out from behind the fence and spread our gigantic talents throughout the world.

Have a great Winter Solstice!

Cara Lumen, The Vision Distiller, helps you distill your vision into a specific and profitable course of action. Her specialty is internet marketing, content strategy, and signature product development. Through her Magnetic Marketing Method, Cara offers innovative, inexpensive, and impactful ideas for the pro-active entrepreneur. Learn how you can become a Success Magnet at www.caralumen.com

Detail

December 4, 2007 By Cara Lumen

It fell before me on the ground,
The delicate white ruffled blossom,
Finished with its major work
Its edges beginning to brown.

It lay contentedly in my palm
As I took in the dainty dark red lines
Springing from small maroon dots in its center.
Two ochre accents glowed near the base.
Three petals surrounded the miniature cup.
It was a masterful piece of detail.

I look up for its origin.
It came from a cluster of intricate blossoms.
Which one exactly I did not know for
duplicate clusters nestled happily everywhere
Almost hidden by the giant heart-shaped leaves
on a huge tree spread out overhead.
The tree was full of white, ruffled pockets
of beautiful detail.

The blossom in my hand spoke to me:
“If God in her infinite wisdom has given
so much thought to me, a small blossom
among many,
Then KNOW as much care has gone into the
detail of YOU.”

I reflected on this.

I have a place in The Plan as does the blossom.
I think perhaps the blossom is more accepting of
that place than I am.
It simply “is”.
It allows itself to be guided by an Unseen Hand
Trusting the outcome will be exactly right.
Trusting and being.
Trusting and being.

When I feel alone or unsure or unloved
I will remember the Little Blossom.
For I too am part of a cluster,
A cluster of humanity nestled
In the branches of the Universe.
And I am as beautiful and intricate
And as loved
As the blossom before me.

Cara Lumen, The Vision Distiller, is a philosopher who helps other discover their infinite possibilities. www.caralumen.com