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The Power of the Label You Choose

March 23, 2016 By Cara Lumen

winner 2-3

Your power lies in how you see yourself. If you see yourself as strong and powerful and capable, that’s what you are. If you see yourself as less than that, that’s what will show up.

How do you see yourself?

Before you read on, take two or three minutes to write down a few words that describe you. Think about your personality, your skills, your passion. You can also write down a few things you’d like to change about yourself.

Are those observations positive? Or are they mostly negative? How you see yourself affects who you become.

How others see you

Now list the qualities others see in you. If you’re not certain, ask your friends.

Compare the two lists – how you see yourself and how others see you. Who are you going to believe? Are you going too hard on yourself?

Years ago, I began to keep an acknowledgment list. I wrote down the kind things people said about me, along with the name of who said it and the date. When I was feeling less than confident, I would read those comments and could see how people saw me as much more capable than I sometimes saw myself.

I still keep that acknowledgment list. It helps me stay aware of how I’m touching lives and hearts.

A label can help you change

The impact of my work relates primarily to internal change. That change is so subtle it is hard to recognize let alone describe. So when I receive a positive comment, it feels supportive of my choices even though I know in my heart I am on the right track as I offer ideas for positive change.

If there’s a quality you’d like to expand, practice doing it for a week.

If I want to be more thoughtful of others, I take every opportunity to expand my ability to do that. If I want to help my introverted self be more sociable, I need to practice showing up at events.

A label can help you see yourself differently

I had a huge personal shift when a series of events helped me see myself as a verbal artist and thus made it okay for me to be as introspective as I am. Qualities that I perceived as limiting turned into strengths.

A friend who had been putting herself out as a proofreader and editor mentioned that she enjoyed doing presentations coaching and she wants to begin to do more of that. That was not how she was putting herself out in the world.

Recently, I noticed that she had added Presentations Coach to her email signature. That was huge!!!! She was taking ownership of a new label. She was trying it out. She was getting comfortable with it.

What label would you like for yourself?

Some of the labels I would like to apply to myself feel too lofty for me to achieve. But what if I pretend? What if I dress up in the labels that appeal to me and see how they feel? What would they be?

I started to write that at 83 there are a few labels that aren’t going to happen without a lot of work; labels such as “strong” and “vigorous”. Until I realized that compared to a lot of older people, and even to many who are younger than me, I am still strong and vigorous.

Do I want to be a well-known writer? Not particularly; but I would very much like to know that my words change lives. And I do know that they do. I can tell by the number of posts opened and podcasts listened to and emails I receive.

I’ve worn several versions of the coach label. I realize that how I want to express that label today is to create courses that use my gift for creating introspective processes to help people sing a deeper song – whatever their song turns out to be. So my label changes from “content development coach” to softer definitions like “guide” and “teacher”.

But even these no longer fit, as I see my work as simply walking beside others to shine my light, my awareness, on their path. I have chosen softer words because I am living a softer life.

How labels limit how we see others

How easy it is to apply a label to someone. It can be about their physical appearance like cute, handsome, short, tall, or it can be about their personality, perhaps bubbly, serious, talkative, demanding.

But these are only momentary conclusions we have reached based on the situations in which we met those persons.

My introversion has made me be perceived as standoffish. My intelligence has been interpreted as “she thinks she’s up there and we’re down here.” But there’s no up and down, there are just different puddles we play in.

Rethink how you have labeled someone. I know a person who seems very negative and judgmental. I think underneath she simply wants to be approved of and loved. I know someone who is very skilled at what he does and yet from our conversations, I know there’s a lot of self-judgment and uncertainty standing in his way.

Does your label limit you?

Notice how you label yourself. See if you can reword it. I work with “spiritual philosopher.” And I’m still growing into that. Spiritual is easy; “philosopher” is a label I still need to own.

What are you comfortable calling yourself? If you’re not comfortable with a label but want to see yourself in that new light, look at yourself in the mirror and practice calling yourself that. Introduce yourself with your new label until you believe it of yourself.

How a label can help you take action

Trying on a label is a good way to explore a new direction. If I decide to label myself as a motivational speaker, I’m going to start acting like a person who motivates and inspires by the words they speak. I will learn to craft talks. I will study my delivery, my gestures, my voice intonations. I will improve my skill and see how it feels.

I actually did a version of this. I do monologue podcasts. That means, it’s me giving a talk. I happen to craft a script because that’s how I’m comfortable working for now.

One day, I recorded a too-long, too-wordy podcast and realized I didn’t have the right framework. I went to Craig Valentine’s book, World Class Speaking, and found an outline for a talk. I put that in my podcast template, wrote my next script to that format and it was the best script I had created so far.

I’m not a live speaker, but I do communicate with words. I’m not going to label myself motivational or even inspirational. Those labels restrict me. What I am is a person of the heart. Now that’s a label I can grow into.

The label you choose defines you.

How do you label yourself? What less-than labels are you applying to yourself and how would you like to change that?

To Sing a Deeper Song consider:
How to Develop Your Distinctive Voice
Fitting In Is Not What You Do To Be Extraordinary
How Often Do You Redefine Yourself?
Is Everything You Know Still True?
Are You in the Right Room?
Engage in the Power of trust
30 – The No Plan Plan
27 – Why Have You Been Chosen
28 – How to Walk Beside Someone in Service

Filed Under: Positive Change, Self Awareness, Self Mastery Tagged With: self confidence, Self Mastery, self-awareness, self-worth

Your Art Must Originate Within Yourself

February 15, 2016 By Cara Lumen

Artist Working on Pottery wheel

I spend a lot of time looking within myself, trying to understand spiritual philosophical ideas that resonate with me and then figuring out how to live them in my life.

This actually used to look rather self-focused and maybe even self-centered. Until I saw myself as an artist. And all art must originate within yourself.

There is art within you

You may get a nudge from something you read or see or hear; but to bring that feeling to life, you must go deep inside yourself. You have to absorb it, feel it, let it incubate until it’s ready to emerge.

The more self-aware you are, the more deeply personal is your work, and the more impact it has. When you do soul work, you have to be quiet and you have to listen.

How do you serve others with your art?

It bothered me that I was writing only what called to me. I wasn’t doing the normal business/marketing things like figuring out what people needed and giving it to them.

I’ve been compelled to travel on this inner journey. I’m going deeper than I ever have before, which means that there’s lots of contemplative alone time and many moments of joyful discovery.

But what about serving others? Am I being self-centered and self-focused? It’s the nature of art to make us go within and be receptive before we can share it with others.

The first step to originating art is to be still within.

What if you’re offering an intangible?

It’s tricky to try to measure results in personal growth. You can’t immediately recognize the impact of an inner shift in awareness.

But that’s what I offer. And because it’s so intangible, my impact or my effect on others is not only hard to measure but also difficult to define.

What part of your impact is intangible?

Trust the call

As I search where I search and write what I write, I have to trust my call. I have to listen to those inner urges and allow them to take me where they do. The purpose of my work is to bring what’s deep inside me into a shape and form that others recognize and respond to.

Trust what emerges

When you’re sharing your soul, whatever emerges is perfect. It’s exactly what you are to share here and now in this moment.

Yes, tomorrow will produce something different. Tomorrow may even bring a re-write on what you do today, but first you have to birth it. You have to give it shape.

These wisps of ideas and urges and nudges that surround you are to be caught and considered. Then you allow your intuition to tell you the form they are to take.

How can you define the intangible?

I couldn’t get a handle on what my “product” was. Sure, I am putting out posts and podcasts and videos and ebooks. Yes, I know it’s an exploration of spiritual philosophy, the meaning of life, including my part in it. But the results were hard to recognize.

People wrote that they were inspired and motivated and moved. But I didn’t know why or what I was doing exactly that made that happen.

Until I found a way to define the intangible.

The intangible gift is how you make a person feel. It’s what you make them understand. It’s how you offer then another viewpoint to consider. Your intangible gift is how you help them change. That’s hard to define, let alone explain.

And you have no idea how your gift keeps giving. You have no idea that how you made that person feel made a difference in how they turned around and shared their gifts with others.

Trust that what you do changes lives.

Because it does.

Are you sharing your subtle gifts?

It took me a long time to figure out that one of the gifts I share is my ability to explain the complex in simple terms so others get it. It’s not an uncommon gift, but it’s a subtle one.

Once I recognized the gifts that can be the most effective in helping others, I started to focus on using these.

What are your subtle gifts?

How can you put them into service?

How subtle is your passion?

As I listen quietly to my soul’s urges, I’m compelled to find ways to live a more meaningfully spiritual life.

It’s not about a religion. It’s about deepening my inner awareness and going in search of the answers I need for my own enrichment. As I explore the concepts that resonate with me, I learn to apply them to my life. I share what I discover with others.

Can you identify the subtleness of your passion?

Look closely to find your artistic product

It’s easy to recognize a song or a painting and know that the artist spent some alone time producing it. You know there was an opening to the soul that let that expression emerge.

Only recently did I realize that my art form is exploration.

Exploration is done within. It inspires me to be alone and be silent and contemplative. It’s not about what I can do for others. It’s about what I can uncover, in the quietest parts of my spirit, that I can understand, interpret and then share so that others understand too. That’s my art of exploration.

My product is my interpretation of the philosophical and spiritual concepts that resonate with me. I share what I uncover, and others respond.

It was a relief to put a label on my unconventional art form.

We’re all artists

Honor your need to be still and listen to the voice within. Learn to trust those ideas and urges that take you where you’ve never been before.

Reflect, absorb, interpret and then share what you find. That’s when you express your authentic voice. That’s how your art originates within.

Honor your own work

When we see our work as art, it’s easier to appreciate what we do. A carpenter can take pride in a well-crafted joint that holds up a building or admire a simple carved bowl that can hold a meal. A leader can be proud of her work when a member of her team takes a personal step forward. A writer can be proud when her words touch someone’s heart.

Notice how your work touches lives. Look for the subtle shape that only your work takes that makes it so effective.

Do you let your art originate from deep inside?

Do you need to give it more time or space to emerge?

All art must originate from within.

And we’re all artists.

To Sing a Deeper Song consider:
Are You In the Right Room
Engage in the Power of trust 
Fitting In Is Not What You Do To Be Extraordinary
How to Develop Your Distinctive Voice
How Often Do You Redefine Yourself?
You Know More Than You Think You Do
30 – The No Plan Plan
27 – Why Have You Been Chosen
28 – How to Walk Beside Someone in Service

Filed Under: Positive Change, Self Awareness, Self Mastery Tagged With: positve change, self confidence, self-awareness, self-worth

You Know More Than You Think You Do

January 28, 2016 By Cara Lumen

Key-to-knowledge

I wanted to know how I was doing so I could do more of the good stuff. I knew I was making a difference because people were telling me, but I didn’t know exactly how I was doing it. Was it what I wrote, how I wrote, or the insights I shared? What topics were most needed? When I learned to read the signs and signals, it turns out I knew more than I thought I did.

The message from your passion

The strongest messages I get are from my passion. I am simply doing what I must do. I’m writing about what calls most deeply to me. The call is very strong and becomes more urgent the more willingly I follow it. I feel aligned. And the pull is a so strong that I’m sure I’m on the right path.

The message from your intuition

Recently, I was reading a novel and one of the characters was in a situation that resonated so deeply with me that I stopped reading and started writing – about the problem, about how to see whether you had the problem, and what to do about it if you did. I began to solve the problem for myself – in my own life.

I rely heavily on my intuition to recognize those places deep within me that need sorting out. I may not know a lot about specific problems within my community, but I am writing about life and I’ll get signs and signals from many places with ideas on what to address.

The message in the small print

When someone writes , “you gave me the courage to turn the page,” I don’t know the situation or the solution, but I do know the word “courage”

“Your insight is really helpful, you are a huge inspiration to me,” helps me believe in myself and my work, but I still have to find the specifics of what I’m to write about and continue to share from my intuition and my passion.

Believe in yourself

Certain things I know I do well. But as to this mystery of sending work out into the world, which is esoteric and exploratory, it’s like throwing a ball on a non-gravity planet. It goes and goes and I know not where…

That’s when I have to believe in myself, in my passion and my intuition. I know my “take” on life is unique, as is yours. I also have to believe that no one else can deliver this message if I don’t do so. Do you feel that way about the message you deliver?

You are the only person who sees things the way you do. You are the only person who can share what you share. You know what to do. If you’re exploring personal expansion, you’ll have no measurable results. But you’ll have feelings, awareness and subtle change.

You have to trust that you’re making a difference, because you are. Listen to the signs and signals. You know more than you think you do.

To Sing a Deeper Song consider:

17 – Exploring The Village of Nothingness

18- How Your Light Illuminates Paths of Darkness

What Message Are You Modeling?

How Are You Exploring Your Essence?

We Are Part of a Larger Spiritual Order

You Are All-That-Is

What is Your True Nature

I Am You

Return to the Simplicity of The Uncarved Block

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DEEPER SONG PROCESS

Filed Under: Alligned Choices, Self Awareness, Self Mastery Tagged With: self confidence, Self Mastery, self-awareness, self-worth

Engage The Power of Trust

January 26, 2016 By Cara Lumen


th-5

Trust gives you freedom. When you trust, there’s nothing to worry about, nothing to plan, no decisions to make. So, what do you trust, and how do you trust?

Trust what people say about you

I chose the word “trust” as one of the three words I’ll work with in the coming year. Trust has several levels for me. I chose trust first of all because I need to learn to accept the positive things people say about me. And I have to trust these comments so much that I overcome my not-so-sure moments.

I’ve gone so far as to collect the positive statements all in one place. These comments, whether written or spoken, show me how others see me and how my work affects them. I need to trust that I’m as good as they say I am because, like most people, I sure have moments of self-doubt.

So, what good things do people say about you that you find hard to believe?

Trust yourself to make the right choice

The more self-aware you become, the more aligned will your choices be. A year ago, I learned that I prefer short projects so I avoid choosing long and involved ones. It took me a while to realize I needed to find an online community that was going in the same direction as I was.

When a choice presents itself, look at how you feel in the moment and make your choice. Remember, not making a choice is also a choice.

Trust the best outcome to unfold

Unfolding is my favorite way to trust. I trust life to unfold perfectly. I simply look at what shows up and I shape it in the way that fits the moment.

It’s such a relief not to think I have to manage things. I don’t try to make a decision before I have all the information. I don’t force a decision. I can wait for the best time.

I work to stay in the moment and trust myself to make the most informed decision – just as I trust the Universe to give me the perfect opportunities

Trust yourself

I do trust myself. I trust myself to appreciate that I’m following my deepest calling, going wherever it’s taking me, like a leaf flowing down a river.

I trust my talents. And because I’m aware of the gifts I’ve been given, I keep putting them to good use.

I trust myself to keep looking deep within to understand what I need, why I need it and when I need it.

Trust takes the pressure off

When I trust the right circumstance to show up, and my ability to make the perfect choice, there isn’t much I need to do except notice what shows up. Sure, I might capture a few ideas, and somewhat prioritize them, but I’m also willing for that list to be totally and unexpectedly rearranged.

Trust builds confidence

The more you rely on your intuition and see how well it guides you, the more you trust it.

The more you trust your talent to produce good work – and it does – the more confidence you’ll have.

Float for a day. No plans, no lists, no schedule. Watch what shows up and notice how you feel about it. Mentally try on different scenarios before you make a choice. Notice how successful you are and how aligned your choice was. All because you decided to trust your intuition.

Practice trust

Notice, too, how many times you make the right choice. That builds trust in your ability to choose.

Trust your talent to produce the right work. And notice how often it does.

Notice what happens when people say nice things about you – do you allow those positive words to come in deeply enough to nourish you, or do you have some barrier to accepting kind words?

Test your abilities. Make a choice, and trust that you can repeat the process with another good choice.

Let go, make a decision in the moment, and learn to trust yourself.\

To Sing a Deeper Song consider:

07- How to Find and Express Your Distinctive Voice

12- How To Nurture Yourself if You are a Rock 

24-How Not Fitting In Helps Your Be Extraordinary

Fitting In Is Not What You Do To Be Extraordinary

Do You Know How Much You Have Going For You?

How Have Your Parameters Changed?

Sign up for our FREE Weekly
DEEPER SONG PROCESS

Filed Under: Positive Change, Self Awareness, Self Mastery Tagged With: Self Mastery, self-awareness, self-worth

Do You Know How To Love?

April 9, 2015 By Cara Lumen

love-rumi

What does it feel like to love? What does it feel like to be loved? Have you experienced love?

The key to love is within you

The first place to practice experiencing love is to love yourself. That means accepting everything about you and working with what you have been given. If you can’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else.

Learn to accept love

Years ago in an Est seminar, we did a communication exercise. Sitting opposite each other, we took turns giving compliments. The huge lesson most of us got was that we stopped the compliments from coming! We could not accept the compliments as being true or even possible. We put up a huge barrier that kept us from receiving the nice things that were said about us. No wonder we don’t feel appreciated. We don’t allow ourselves to accept what comes our way. The next time someone gives you a compliment, notice where you try to stop it, take a deep breath and bring those positive words clear into your awareness so that it can nourish you

Love is not always warm and cuddly

Who doesn’t feel a warm fuzzy feeling around a baby or even a small animal. It’s the misbehaving child, or the irritated partner that test our ability to love.

What does love look like?

On the simplest of levels, love is patience – giving the other person space to travel his or her own journey. Love is an exchange of acknowledgement and support. You give love when you encourage someone. When you take good care of yourself, you are giving yourself love. When you follow your passion, that is love.

Why you yearn for love

There are two reasons you yearn for love. You yearn for love because you don’t love yourself. And you yearn for love because you reject the love that comes your way. It’s a double-edged sword – not believing you deserve love and not accepting that someone loves you. Learning to love others and accepting the love that is returned is totally up to you.

How do you practice love?

To begin to love yourself, look in the mirror, deep into your eyes and say “I love you.” See if you can even do this. Practice until you can both give love to yourself and accept it from yourself

How do you express your love of others?

Listen. Listen to what is not said. Listen for the need that is being expressed. Listen for the confusion, pain or distress you can identify with. We are all basically alike. If you think about it, whatever someone else is going through is something that on some level, you can understand.

Love is found in little things

Notice the loving and considerate things your partner or friend does for you. Is it difficult for you to notice it? Do you say “thank you” for the small everyday things that are done for you? Does the person you do things for acknowledge and appreciate what you do? Learn to acknowledge even the expected things, like fixing dinner or helping with a small chore. Share your gratitude in words. Share your gratitude by your actions.

Speak love thorough gratitude

Beginning today, with every encounter, look for something for which you are grateful. If it is appropriate, acknowledge the other person for what you notice. This will raise your own awareness of the generosity of spirit that surrounds you

Speak love through service

Look for and offer small services. Don’t wait to be asked. Anticipate. When you look for ways in which you can help others, it raises your awareness of how you can be of service.

If you keep the idea of looking for love and giving love in our consciousness, you will see it everywhere. Start spreading the love. Love yourself. Love others.

 

To Sing a Deeper Song Consider:

Where Do You Get Your Feelings of  Self-Worth?

How To Set Values Boundaries That Express Your Self Lov

How Gratitude Attracts The Good Stuf

Are You a Gift Person

Our Need for Recognition

Filed Under: Self Awareness, Self Mastery Tagged With: personal growth, self-awareness, self-worth

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