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How to Walk Beside Someone in Service

December 22, 2015 By Cara Lumen

helping hadn 5-2

I want to be a better fellow traveler. I want to learn to be more helpful as I share a portion of my journey with someone. What does that look like? What do I need to learn to do? How do I walk beside someone in service?

I see life as a journey. We wander along paths of our own making, we follow the paths made by others, we explore venues that interest us, we change directions. We run up against barriers, we float down streams, we sit on a boulder and enjoy the view. Life is fluid and it’s an adventure.

Who is on a similar journey?

No one is going to walk the whole journey beside you. Life doesn’t work that way. But periodically in your life you will travel alongside someone who helps you, or someone whom you help. You share a leg of the journey. You help each other and, working together or alone, you help others. That’s how we travel through life, traveling our own path in the company of others.

How do you recognize the moments we should walk together?

When I finally realized that I wasn’t going in the same direction as anyone else in my senior community, I had to go find a whole new tribe. It took a while for me to realize that that was what I needed to do and a bit longer to figure out where to find the people in my new tribe. I found people online who were going the same direction as me, people on an adventure similar to mine.

You have to want to travel

Not everyone wants to go exploring. In fact, few do. And those of us who do have learned to stand alone and are willing to travel alone. We understand ourselves and are eager to deepen our song. We are adventurers, curious explorers with a passion for life.

Recognize the shape of your own journey

Some of us take really long journeys. Others make short trips, they sort of put their toe in the water. Others train for a long-distance swim. There’s no right or wrong way to move ahead, there’s simply your unique journey.

The more I allow myself to be immersed in the direction I’m going, the more relevant my work becomes. I understand why I’m taking this particular journey. I open myself to explore whatever shows up. I trust. I relax and let life unfold.

Many of us are seeking to sing a deeper song but we’re at different levels on our journey, different degrees of awareness. I seldom know what the members of my tribe take from me but I do know what I get from them. So I continue along the path, seeking to walk beside them for part of our journey.

When do you know when to part?

At some point we will part ways. Each of us will move in a more specific direction and take separate paths. The more refined your focus, the more alone you will be. You’ll have to gather bits and pieces of inspiration and insight from various sources. The possibility of someone walking closely beside you for a long part of the journey is slim. But there will always be others to shed their light on your path just when you need it. Let go and move in the direction that calls to you.

How do you help others on the path?

Sometimes helping others along the path is deliberate, sometimes seemingly accidental. The bottom line is to be aware that you’re on a path with others, all of you on a journey, not all going in the same direction. Begin to see how you can give someone a helping hand, or share news of a route you found, or alert them to a bump in the road ahead.

I have an online friend with whom I exchange emails full of self-questioning and soul-searching. Each time I respond to his email, I learn something. It works that way for him too.

I write my posts and podcasts to figure things out that resonate with me. When I share them, they also help others. I know because people tell me. How and why I help are mysteries to me, but I’m changing lives. I thought about trying to figure out the why and how, but decided to relax and follow my passion and instinct and this powerful drive I have to explore in a certain direction.

You help others simply by being true to your own journey.

You can hold their hand

The choices of how you serve others on the path vary with personalities – both yours and theirs. Figuratively holding their hand as they move through a process is one way. Life coaches are an example of that.

You can teach them

People who create systems for others to follow leave strong marks on the trail and guide others in a certain direction. Entrepreneurs who teach a system do this.

You can mark the trail

I think I fall into this category. My writing follows my own exploration, explains my discoveries and shares how I put my new insights to work. It’s not about teaching, it is about being a trail blazer, an explorer, a seeker who leaves markers on the trail. I know many people in this category. People traveling as explorers have interaction with other travelers but mostly in short periods of exchanging or gleaning information before making a decision to move on.

You can leave a map

These are the thinkers who come to a conclusion and tell you why they think that way. It is up to you to read their “maps”, look at the topography they discovered and plan your own journey.

You can outgrow your companions

The more you know, the more specialized is the knowledge you need. Once I learn to ski cross country, I can tackle more difficult trails. Maybe you ski better than your companion. Maybe you have a stronger urge for adventure. Maybe you want to ski jump and your companion doesn’t. Know that you will need to find new teachers, guides, seekers and trailblazers depending on where you are in your own journey.

Walk beside someone. Offer them support in a manner that befits your own journey. Take what you need and then be prepared to travel your own path.

To Sing a Deeper Song consider:

How Are You Exploring Your Essence?

We Are Part of a Larger Spiritual Order

You Are All-That-Is

What Message Are You Modeling?

 

18- How Your Light Illuminates Paths of Darkness

20 – Why Are You In Service?

05-Do You Have the Courage to Stand Alone

06– Unfolding And The Art Of Wu Wei

Do You Hang Out with Givers or Takers

If You Are A Rock – Who Supports You?

Filed Under: Alligned Choices, Self Awareness, Service Tagged With: Deeper Song, service, Spiritual Awareness

What I Learned from Pharrell Williams

October 20, 2015 By Cara Lumen

Pherrell Wiliams

I’m a fan of The Voice. I didn’t know Pharrell Williams until he became a coach on the show. Now I’m a huge fan of this man who is deeply in service, a person who cares profoundly about others. Who he is shows in many ways. Here’s what I learned from watching Pharrell on The Voice.

Pharrell encourages artists to sing from their heart

Whatever our field, we know that our best work comes from our heart, from being true to our own passion and from sharing generously of ourselves. Pharrell tells the singers he coaches that when they sing from their heart, the rest will follow. When you write a blog post, are you singing from your heart? When you create a course or coach a client or lead a webinar, are you singing from your heart?

Pharrell offers people a strong helping hand

There’s a very subtle way in which I’ve seen Pharrell serve others. In the knockout rounds on The Voice, the coaches have to choose between two people on their own team who they’ve paired together and coached. One of the motivations for the choice a coach makes could be to choose the artist that most likely could win the competition for the coach’s team. But that’s not where Pharrell seems to be coming from. Several times, when he has a choice between two singers, I saw him choose the one who is really good but needs more time or more coaching. He releases the one he knows will be picked up by another coach. He chooses the singers for whom he can make the most difference. He is totally in service to the contestants and keeps himself deeply focused on their success.

Pharrell recognizes and addresses the needs of the people around him

Pharrell is a singer/songwriter, rapper, record producer, and fashion designer. He constantly seeks to meet the needs of the communities he serves. He looks for the concerns, the problems, the wishes and desires of the people he wants to reach. When one member of his team lost, he took her into the studio to explore how she felt and a new song emerged from the collaborative experience. We all try to understand the emotions of our community. It’s fascinating to watch where and how Pharrell searches for inspiration.

Pharrell is generous with his talent and knowledge

He’s a world-class musician and he gave one of his team’s finalists one of his original songs to sing for her final round. That’s hugely generous. But he felt the match. He knew she was the right artist to deliver his song. He’s excited by new talent and new possibilities. He loves to mentor.

Pharrell is deeply in service

Contestants in the blind auditions get to choose from the coaches that turn around for them. Each coach “pitches” the contestants to get them on their team. Pharrell never talks about his team, or winning; he always talks about what he sees in the artists and how he wants to help them fulfill their dream. It is fascinating to watch what he says. It is always about the contestant.

What I learned from Pharrell:

  • Communicate from your heart
  • Give everything you have
  • Do your best to help the other person succeed
  • Don’t be concerned about winning; be focused on how you can help the other person do their very, very best. Their success is your big win.

Watching Pharrell share the stage with the other coaches, watching him honor the people he’s working with is just more evidence of his generosity of spirit.

I know Pharrell wins major music awards. I know people love his music. His team member won The Voice one season, but that’s not the point. My life got better when I observed a loving heart in action and the effect it has on everyone around him. You know that all of his music comes from his heart—just as his life does. Thank you, Pharrell, for living with an open heart and coming from a deep place of service. You inspire me to sing a deeper song.

To Sing a Deeper Song consider:

07- How to Find and Express Your Distinctive Voice

18- How Your Light Illuminates Paths of Darkness

20 – Why Are You In Service?

Take Money Out of the Equation

Your Work as You

What Message Are You Modeling?

Are You a Gift Person

What is Your Personal Promise?

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Filed Under: Alligned Choices, Self Awareness, Spiritual Expansion Tagged With: self-awareness, service, Spiritual Expansion

The Deeper Song To-Do List

March 31, 2015 By Cara Lumen

Think-of-Your-life--400

I’ve been working with a “Three Most Important Things to Do Today” list for awhile. I wondered what a Deeper Song To-Do list would look like.

The label on your list

The search began when I explored a word substation for “important” What if I chose a different word like three things that will “move me forward”, or “get me unstuck”, or is the “easiest to do” or will “give me the most leverage.” I like the word “leverage.” “Power, force, control” are synonyms. That helps color the choices.

The criteria of “Deeper Song”

The purpose of a Deeper Song To Do List is to create specific do-able action steps that will nurture the community you serve. This could mean:

  • A product you need to complete that will change some lives
  •  A connection you want to make that will nurture you both
  •  An idea you are burning to explore in a blog post series.
  •  Courses that assist people in their journey
  •  A change you need to make in your own life that frees you to deepen your song

What choice has the most impact?

I have so many ideas it is hard to choose where to begin. What if I examine the degree of impact they will have?

  • Who will they impact? Some choices will have a huge impact on me – my life, my understanding, and my personal growth. Inevitably, those translate into clarity for others and it’s often a place where I begin
  • How often will it impact? How soon can you complete it? There are projects and then there are PROJECTS. You’ll have both but a balance is good. You want to keep nurturing your community on a regular basis. A consistent blog post schedule is foundational. I’ve been writing in a series of articles and the ideas pour out. Podcasting takes more time but it is consumed differently and connects with a multi-tasking audience. A course asks more of the participants. You need a mix. Set up a foundation that keeps actively supporting your community, then work on the bigger projects.
  •  How deeply will it impact? You really have no idea how much impact our work will have until you put it out there. In a 6-week teleclass, I once had a 5-minute segment on forgiveness have a huge impact on the life of one of the participants. Our cornerstone content will have great impact. The courses we write ask people to actively participate in their own personal growth. A concept in our podcast series may be an ah-ha for someone. Keep putting your work out from your heart and notice and track what resonates.
  • How do you need to change within yourself in order to sing a Deeper Song? Your personalized spiritual practice will influence how you change. The people you hang out with will inspire and motivate you or hold you back. Your commitment and perseverance will have impact on how you grow yourself. Make adjustments in your personal life that nurture you.

A simple Deeper Song To-Do List

Oh man, I want to choose three most impactful things out of all these possibilities I just wrote down. As your criteria changes, it will influence your measuring stick. Here’s where I started:

Action:  Establish a podcast schedule of 1 per week
Impact: Consistency and a new way to serve my community
How I feel about that: I very much want this in my regular offering.

Action: Write more article series
Impact: Series have impact because they explore a topic more deeply
How I feel about that:I’m going to craft more series .

Action: Compose the “Melody for your Deeper Song” Course
Impact: I’m in a course for this so it makes sense to complete it next.
How I feel about that: I really like these 21-day daily email courses. I will do more of them

Action: 1:1 Skype calls with my community
Impact: Love these. I am letting them evolve organically.
How I feel about that:The new course I’m in has great new people to get to know This is probably the most self-nurturing thing I do.

How do I make a Deeper Song To Do list from this?

If I choose three qualities I want to inspire/motivate/encourage in others what would they be? Mine are:

  • Unfolding: Stay in the moment. Allow life to unfold and shape things as they come.
  • Connection: Interact meaningfully with others. Find my tribe(s) and participate. Allow myyself to be nurtured and supported.
  •  Impact: Putt my gift into the world. Harvest my own crop – all the life experience and wisdom I have accumulated to date. Share it with others – generously.

Unfolding, Connection, Impact

Now I have my measuring stick. Whatever I put on my daily Three Things to Do list they must be aligned with these three purposes.

Action: Establish a podcast schedule of 1 per week
Deeper Song Results::Impact-Put my gift into the world, Connection-Interact meaningfully with others,Unfolding- Stay in the moment

Action: Write more article series
Deeper Song Results: Impact-Put my gift into the world, Connection-Interact meaningfully with others,Unfolding- Stay in the moment

You get the idea.  I’ve only shown you a process

As you develop your own Deeper Song To Do List please share it with me at cara@passionatelyonpurpose.com. We’re on this journey together and we will all follow our own version of the map. We can learn from each other.

What does your Deeper Song To Do List look like?

To Sing a Deeper Song consider:

How Do You Measure The Quiet Progress Of Personal Change?

Why is What You Do Important?

Nothing Is Required But the Next Step

Patience and the Unfolding Process

Filed Under: Service Tagged With: self-awareness, service

Take Money Out of the Equation

February 24, 2015 By Cara Lumen

connectet-to-shy---300

My ability to connect has dramatically increased since I took money out of the equation. I have always been uncomfortable “selling” and “marketing” even when I put it in the guise of educating.

What do you have if you don’t need/want money?

I am in an odd place in my life where I am not working to make money; I am working to grow myself. I’m no longer coaching, or writing ebooks and courses that teach people about content development. I’m exploring ideas that I need to know, concepts that will change my life. As I discover, I write and share. . It seems to be resonating with others. You are gathering around the work..

In a recent newsletter, Chris Brogan (do subscribe) talked about people “who see service as the highest calling. They thrive by connecting others who should know each other, always without agenda.”  “Without an agenda.” Do you realize how freeing that is?! You connect with someone because his or her energy speaks to yours. You help someone because your heart compels you to. You make new friends because they are attracted to the energy you are expressing. How do you do that?

Return to your passion

Why are you doing what you are doing? What called you in the first place? Have you layered over your core place of service with your mind-made goals? Have you lost sight of your passion? You may have to go silent and think about that one.

In retrospect, all my work has been philosophical, a spiritual esoteric search. I immersed myself in holistic work as a Reiki Master Teacher and Certified Bach Flower Counselor. I trained five years to become a Licensed Spiritual Practitioner in the Center for Spiritual Living. My passion is spiritual inquiry and the practical application of what I discover.  In all of my work that is at the core. That’s how deep you have to go.  What passion underlies everything you do?. What is at the core of the work you do?

Money is not the measure, depth of service is

Only in the past year have I resonated to the word “impact.” As I moved into what I thought had to be retirement, I knew I really longed to be relevant, to make a difference. So I re-defined myself. Where was I as a person? What did I need and want to learn next? There was nothing about how much to earn, it was about what I, personally, needed to learn in order to be the best “me” I could be. I figured if I consciously explored being old, it might be relevant for a few people behind me. There is no agenda for my work other than to discover and share.

The gift that came back

What I didn’t know was how much I would get back. As I share my insights and discoveries, people are responding. I can see where I am touching lives. I am growing increasingly aware of how far-reaching my sharing goes. That is feeding my heart and nourishing my soul. I’m simply putting out “me” and hope what I uncover sheds some light on the path.

The elimination of money as a goal

Two major changes have occurred. Because my focus is on my own desire to sing a deeper song, and since I don’t know exactly what that is, or how to do it, I am definitely NOT in teacher mode. I’m in seeker-explorer mode, off exploring various paths that show up and leaving a few markers along the way. That has changed the way I relate to people   I’m simply responding to a need, or a share, or a reflection. I’m not trying to sell anything. Yes, I’d love for people to join the Deeper Song Community because I think that somewhere along the line we are collectively going to do something important. I have no idea what that is. It’s just a feeling. My job right now is to hold up a flame so like-minded people can find this group and gather together.

The power of the collective

The Deeper Song Community is young group of old souls. Each person that joins brings an amazingly unique gift. Our job is to nurture and support each other in touching more lives, in more deeply profound ways. What a community to belong to! What a group to serve with! What a calling to be met…

There is powerful work to be done and it does not involve money.

To Sing a Deeper Song consider:

 How Chris Brogan changed my life

Our Need for Recognition

Find Your Tribe 1 – When People Don’t Understand Your Passion

Are You a Gift Person

I Want to Sing a Deeper Song

Wander Beyond All Paths

Do You Know How You Create Impact

How To Set Values Boundaries That Express Your Self Love

Filed Under: Self Awareness, Self Mastery Tagged With: self-awareness, service

Are you Selling or Serving?

February 14, 2010 By Cara Lumen

by Cara Lumen

There are so many people out there sending emails that say “Make Money Now” or things along that line.  But they are missing the boat. People know when you are trying to just sell them something and they also know when you are deeply in service to them. Which do you think is more effective?

It’s not what you want to do it’s what they need

    
There is a very interesting balance between your passion, what you are driven to do, and how to translate that passion into something that is needed by the people you are meant to serve.  Of course you have to be passionate about what you are doing, but you also have to be passionately about the changes you are making in the lives of others.

Does your target excite you?

A long time ago when I became a Reiki Master Teacher we stood in a circle sharing about how we would take our new service out into the world.  My answer was that I was going to teach people who were already helping other people and that my work would enable them to reach even more people.  And it still is today.  

My target is entrepreneurs – people with a passion that have a lot to give and just don’t quite know how to make that happen.  It is incredibly exciting to see them focus their passion into a viable, marketable, service. Of course that’s exciting to me – I help them and they help others.  Perfect.

Corral that passion

It’s taken me a lot of years to focus my passion – I’m one of those people who keeps having ideas and is more enchanted with creating them than maintaining them.  Perhaps you know the type.  It helped tremendously when I realized that my passion was about learning and sharing what I learn with others.  But at the core of that was organizing – organizing thoughts into words that touched people’s hearts, organizing ideas into a plan of action helping people sort out their passion and their ideas and turn it into a way to touch the lives of others.

If you passion is huge, rein it in.  Keep looking beneath what you love to do for what it is about how you do it that is so appealing.  That will bring you closer to the core.

Are you selling or serving?

I put off learning about marketing because I knew I couldn’t sell anything to anyone.  I still can’t.  But I sure can help them.  I can help them find what they need to do next.  I can help them decide how to organize their marketing plan, or organize their ideas into signature products. Each email I send, each landing page I write is an invitation, an invitation to get to know me better, to check out what I’m up to and if it’s something that you need or that simply appeals to you, then let’s connect.  It’s always about inviting.  It’s about building a community that likes you and trusts you and that you love to serve.  Stop selling and start serving.  You’ll love the results.

© 2010 Cara Lumen

 

Filed Under: Spiritual Expansion Tagged With: Marketing, passionately on purpose, poositing, service, target audience

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