Cara Lumen | Sing a Deeper Song

Sing a Deeper Song

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Change Your Expectations

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Epect results sign

Allowing your life to unfold is a beautiful way to live because you have no expectations, of yourself, of anyone. Therefore you’re never disappointed – only pleased – and sometimes surprised. What expectations do you have that are actually holding you back?

Expectations of yourself

What would it feel like to simply let yourself love yourself – exactly as your are? No thinner or fatter, no younger or older, no more outgoing or more poised. Just being you and loving yourself for being that.

We are each unique. We are a distinctive combination of our gifts, our passions, our beliefs and our past. Those are all mixed up into what we expect.

But what if we didn’t expect anything of ourselves? Would we be pleasantly and continuously surprised?

Drop your expectations of someone else

If we expect someone to act in a certain way, we have to drop that. It’s their path, their journey. If we want them to do something for us, we have to stop looking outside ourselves and instead do it for ourselves.

You’ve got enough to do for yourself without waiting around for someone else to do something you want them to do. It’s a waste of time and energy.

Expectations of success

We do our work and expect it to succeed. We even have a certain set of measurements for success – sales, completed projects, clicks – whatever we’ve decided will point to success.

But what if you simply put your work out there and trusted? Trusted that it would reach the people who needed to hear it, touch the hearts that were ready to receive it, changed the lives that were ready to be changed? There’s no measurement of “success” when you trust your work to touch the lives it’s supposed to touch.

Let go of expectations

That doesn’t mean you don’t need to have a goal, or move in a thought-out direction; but when you stay open to the doors that open in the process, you may find yourself on a totally different journey than the one you expected.

And that’s a LOT of fun.

To Sing a Deeper Song consider:

Live Like Water
How Being Different Makes You Special
What if You Broke the Mold?
The Many Faces of Your Calling
45-How to Become a Mindful Presence
41 – How to Make Decisions When Your Let Your Life Unfold

How Labels Dehumanize Us

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label passed, rejected

When we label people in our thoughts and conversations, we remove them from our basic connection as fellow human beings. If I label a group by their religion, or race, of gender, I add a whole layer of “garbage” on top of it. I add beliefs I’ve inherited. One experience may have translated into a generalization of the whole. That dehumanization separates us and we cannot heal until we remove it.

What do you label?

When you begin to label groups, you dehumanize them. They’re no longer people but a collection of your own fears, beliefs and misunderstandings. Labeling is extremely distancing and divisive.

It’s easy to label a group. I, unfortunately, am not fond of old people, although at 84 I’m definitely one of them. That probably doesn’t give me the right to be judgmental and I need to look at that. My general experience is that old people have given up and are no longer trying to be relevant in the world.

Of course, there are exceptions. I’m one of them. And I have to go online to find other exceptions. There’s a lot of personal judgment in my label of “senior.”

In my 40’s, I went back to college to get my Master’s degree in theater, so I’ve had a lot of gay friends in my life. I remember standing on a stage in a park with my friends when a group of straight men came into the general vicinity. I could feel the fear coming from my gay friends. I hadn’t experienced the same discrimination that they had, but I could definitely feel the fear. Nothing happened. There was just the awareness of my friends that they could be in danger.

I learned a lot from my gay male friends that enhanced my life and that of my family. One of my major takeaways was to realize that they all knew how to cook and clean and care for themselves because they would never have a wife to do that for them. So I taught my own sons how to cook and clean and do their own laundry. They make great roommates and partners.

Get to know the group you fear

I think fear is a big part of what keeps us separate. I remember sitting in my office in the Public Theater in New York City. I glanced out in the hall and saw a group of young black men who were going to put on a play there. They were simply talking among themselves.  I realized that I felt fear and said so to myself. My co-worker quietly said, “Shut the door.” And when I turned I realized I had spoken out loud and that my companion was my friend and he was also black.

See how these unvoiced and unidentified prejudices sneak up on us?

When I was training to become a spiritual practitioner, there were many very strong women moving along the same path. It took me a while to realize that much of the strength I admired came from them being lesbians and, like their male counterparts, they had developed into strong, self-sufficient people, a quality I very much admire.

Get to know people in the groups that seem frightening to you

I don’t know people with very diverse backgrounds. There’s a bit of a mix in this senior community but the whole county is predominately middle-class white with a lot of affluent professionals, outstanding schools and a liberal approach to life. But this is Kansas. The population is organically not very diverse. So I’m faced with the challenge of finding interesting people from different heritages. I have to find a way to do that online.

I do find people from all over the world connecting on the world peace calls I join and some of the spirituality-based events I attend online. Our diverse backgrounds are simply part of the worldwide power when we are focused on the same cause. That in itself is a lesson in how to eliminate a label. Focus on our similarities.

The key, of course, is to get to know them as people — not groups, not labels — but fellow human beings on our planet home.

Get to know the stories of people in the groups you’re labeling

On the news I heard of a young professional couple who left their home in Syria and walked for ten days to get to the border and safely. Can you imagine what it would feel like to make that decision, to begin that trip and have no idea what the outcome would be?

Another Syrian refugee family was relocated to a town in the US where they were fundamentally isolated, not because people were unfriendly, but because the culture they encountered was so strange to them. They have no support system in this country. They’re on their own. What kind of labels do they have for us? Do they lump us into a category by the color of our skin, our beliefs, our actions?

When we remove labels we find our sameness

We’re all humans. We would like to survive. We would like to be loved. We would like to love. We would like to be productive and valued. That’s all you need to know when you start to label someone — we’re all part of the web of life. We’re all made from the Great Nothingness. We’re the same. We’re one energy, from one source.

Look for our sameness and the differences will disappear.

To Sing a Deeper Song consider:
The 50/50 split
How To keep Negativity Out of Your Life
How Do You Nurture “Different”
46 -How the People You Hang With Affect Your Life
45-How to Become a Mindful Presence

Three Key Things I learned from Seth Godin

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Keys three

Sometimes figuring out how to serve and who to serve is a little more complicated that we thought it would be. Not only is it tricky to make the original decision but we also have to keep adjusting because we change, the people we serve change and our personal goals change.

In a recent Seth Godin interview on a Tim Ferris podcast I came away with three major concepts that will immediately help you focus your place of service.

What does success mean to you?

It’s easy to get into numbers, money, lists, or units sold in order to define our success. But Seth says, “a win is to change one person, teach one person, impact one person.”

Wow! That really personalizes the effort. That allows you to feel the length of your own reach, and to understand how you impact others with your work.

One person. Change. Teach. Impact. That’s success.

What’s the change you’re seeking in the world?

This is huge. Have you thought about this? Have you imagined how your work can change the world? What do you want to happen because of what you do or say or offer? What specific people do you want to affect?

I had to work on this one. I know what I want to do – help people sing a Deeper Song. The change I’m seeking for us is a deeper awareness of our inner voice so that our choices fully express our passion and our gifts in unexpected and far-reaching ways.

I want to go exploring in the spiritual realm and share some of the insights, ideas and concepts that call to me and guide me. And I also want to help the people I serve have the confidence and willingness to share their wisdom and uniqueness with others in the world in an impactful manner. I want them to sing their Deeper Song loudly and harmoniously in our world.

Knowing that is the change I want to see in the world, I can now make thoughtful choices about what I write in my posts, what I say in my podcasts, the focus of my videos and the message of my ebooks. But I must keep in mind that my goal is to help one person see the world from a different viewpoint, take one step past the edges she has set for herself, understand and appreciate her value and know that her wisdom and expertise and experience must be shared.

Learning that the Incas believed our lives affect seven generations back and seven generation forward has prompted me to take my own work more seriously. Seven generations forward is a lot of people to change or inspire or teach with the work we do today. That’s a couple of centuries into the future. And that’s a big responsibility. We need to do our work consciously and well. And we need to put our work out there for others to find.

Your story helps others want to learn from you

Seth again: “Your brand is a story you tell that helps people tell themselves a story about you. Your story needs to match what they are telling themselves about what they are doing.”

You might need to read that one again. What are they doing? What do you do for them? How do you let them know that? What story do you tell about yourself so that others know you are exactly who they need to help them?

People have to identify with you. They probably want someone who has similar interests, similar life situations, similar beliefs. And they probably want someone who is a few steps ahead of them in the journey or has experienced the steps they need to take next. They need a teacher or mentor who understands what they need even if they don’t understand that yet. They need someone to light the way.

My story is about my journey. I think other people are on similar versions of their own and in some places I’m a few steps ahead.

It’s partially a story of aging – about staying relevant, having a purpose, and making a difference even when you’re old.

It’s about not giving up. It’s about leaving a legacy. It’s about valuing your own wisdom and experience to the extent that you purposefully and mindfully leave a message for generations to come.

It’s a story of a spiritually inquisitive woman who is drawn to Rumi, to Emerson, to Taoism, and to metaphysics. She explores spiritual philosophy, figures out how to apply the ideas that resonate with her life, and shares what she uncovers.

That makes us explorers together – searching for clues, making discoveries, trying new routes and leaving markers for others along the way.

What’s the change you want to make in the community?

The idea of making change in your community puts what you do into a very large perspective. My community is all over the world. The world needs a lot of help right now. Who do I want to help? How do I want to help them?

Bring it back to one person. How can I, sitting here in my apartment in the middle of the United States, produce one small project or do one small act that’ll help one person change and who’ll then turn and change someone else?

What’s the change I want to make in my world community?

The Long Cut

Rather than taking a short cut, Seth says: “Long cut is the most direct route to get where you want to go. What does this community need? How do I do a kind of work that matters that is identified with only me? That only I can do?’”

The beautiful part is that we are all unique. The tricky part is that we don’t always identify what makes us unique and how we can use it to help others. Know yourself. Recognize your passion and your gifts, and follow them!

Back to changing one person. Who do you want to help? How do you want to help them? What can only you do for them?

Seth suggests we keep our projects small. If you look at every project you undertake as making a change in one person in your community, then it becomes a very precise doable, deliverable project.

Push your boundaries to find your place of service

Identify what you love to do. Decide on the change you want to make in others. Take that idea out to the edges of your consciousness and explore.

How can you, in your infinite uniqueness, define a product or service that some very special people need, that’ll make a difference in their lives?

Go do that.

To Sing a Deeper Song consider:

The Length of Your Reach
The Many Faces of Your Calling
Mindfulness as a Path to Self-Awareness
How Do You Nurture “Different”
What Do You Do for People That They Can’t Get Elsewhere?
40 – Who Do yo Want to Serve?
32 – How to See Your Work As Art

How Do You Define Success?

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top-12

If you do not define success in terms of money or clients or sales or followers, how do you define it? What values are important to you and how successful are you in making those values stand out in your life?

Success may be doing your best work

I was so proud of myself when I got my books up on Amazon. Although the writing part was easy, figuring out the formatting when I was brand new to Scrivener took perseverance and consistent effort. And I was successful.

Success may be “getting it”

I had a major important shift because of some webinars I was on. Through the shared vision and words of others, I deepened the direction of my work. I “got” the next level my work was to take. That was an enormous shift.

Success may be figuring something out and acting on it

It doesn’t take much to figure out that if I want my body to be stronger I need to eat better and move more. My success is in the acting on it.

I have actively searched for and found new triggers to create new habits that are reversing my physical decline. Figure it out and take action.

Success may be felt when you are an inspiring example

It’s hard to be aware of how we inspire others. I was recently reminded that I am an unusual and motivating version of 83. It never occurred to me that my enthusiasm and my outpouring of content could be inspiring – not just for the amount of content but because I’m an old lady doing her thing.

A friend pointed out, “Success is when people can look at you as a beacon for how they want to finish out their life or to simply live now.” That’s huge! That’s letting your light shine through by being you. It’s an example of success you may not even know you have.

Success can be “inspiring people to be different”

Finding out that I’m a Rainbow Mother, the one who sings and dances and writes and doesn’t fit in, was a huge release for me. There are two sides to our feminine energy and I only knew the nurturing, make-things-happen-for-others role. Now that I know there are other ways to express our femininity, I can offer people inspiration and ideas about being OK doing what they feel inside, with no need for permission or validation from others.

Success can be following your calling

The more I allow myself to move more deeply in the direction I’m being called, the louder and more urgent that call becomes. I’m practically sprinting down my inner hallways to talk to my inner voice. So, for me, success is about listening, and about interpreting and map-making for others what I discover.

How do define success for yourself?

Let’s not, for the moment, measure success in physical-plane results. Let’s talk about what’s going on inside. What are you changing within yourself? What values are you standing behind? What qualities are you encouraging within yourself? Inside is where the real work is done. How are you measuring up? What work do you need to do next?

To Sing a Deeper Song consider:

The Many Faces of Your Calling
The Length of Your Reach
Message from a Rainbow Mother
How Do You Nurture “Different”
44 – How to Define What You Do So Others Get It
41 – How to Make Decisions When Your Let Your Life Unfold
37-Self Mastery As a Choice

Message from a Rainbow Mother

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rainbow clods

I wish I’d known it 60 years ago. I wish I’d known I had the choice. I was born in 1932. There were not many of us because of the depression. Women had only had the right to vote for 22 years. Young men from my generation returned from war when I was in high school. In college the only ambition of every female was to get married and have children. We didn’t know we had a choice. I was nearing 40 when the Women’s Liberation Movement began. And finally, when I’m 83, we may have a female president. As the saying goes: “We’ve come a long way, baby.”

The two aspects to the feminine energy

I was gratified to recently learn that in the Shamanic tradition there are two kinds of feminine energy. First there’s the great “Nurturing Mother” who takes care of everyone. That’s the role model I was certainly brought up with and one that, even with a shift in consciousness, still prevails as the more desirable one.

However, it’s the other expression of the feminine energy that fills my heart, that makes me make peace with myself for my unconventional ways. That other aspect of the feminine energy is the “Rainbow Mother”, the poet, the writer, the dancer, the one who doesn’t fit in. Oh how I wish I’d known that 60 years ago. I am a Rainbow Mother, a full fledged, card-carrying member of the Rainbow Mother band. And I had to break out of the mold to do it.

Do you understand your choices?

Here’s my message to the young women coming along – you have a choice. In this moment in time you still have to work to give yourself permission to be a Rainbow Mother, you have to go against the grain a bit to do it; but you do have a choice. The Rainbow Mother is a valid aspect of your feminine nature.

When I was divorced and found myself in my mid-40s needing to get a job to support myself, nothing I’d ever done as a stay-at-home mom counted in the world of work. Today, wise young women know how to educate themselves and develop a profession even if they do choose to marry and become a parent.

When I was working, women were not executive, they were only working versions of the nurturing mother. There were no rainbow mothers in the corporate world!

Rainbow mothers have great adventures

If I hadn’t honored my “Rainbow” self, I would never be in a position to share what I give today. I would never have known my own capabilities, my own gifts. Because I’m a Rainbow Mother, I know my passion, I still have impact at my advanced age, I have active plans to help change the consciousness around our fragile earth. I have work to do. And I’m loving it.

If you are a Rainbow Mother, go for it

The Incas think in terms of 500-year cycles. We’re just entering a cycle of the feminine. We’re coming from the aggressive, warrior, masculine energy into – well it can go both ways – soft and nurturing and the individualist, the explorer, the leader, the philosopher.

Honor your gifts and follow them. Be the leader, the inspirer. Follow your calling as a Rainbow Mother. The world needs you!

To Sing a Deeper Song consider:
The Length of Your Reach 
The Many Faces of Your Calling 
How Do You Nurture “Different”
Learn to Honor Your Inner Rhythm
35—How to Hold the Space for Change.
27 – Why Have You Been Chosen